Monday, February 05, 2007

7 Dollar Popcorn Presents The 7 Dollar Popcorn FILMuary Extravaganza: 28 Days of Movie Mayhem Day 5: The Amityville Horror

You know, I seem to write longer posts if I write up the movie WHILE I watch it.

Welcome to Day 5 of 7 Dollar Popcorn Presents The 7 Dollar Popcorn FILMuary Extravaganza: 28 Days of Movie Mayhem. Today's movie is the 2005 remake of The Amityville Horror starring Ryan Reynolds and Melissa George.

The movie starts off in 1974 with Ronnie DeFeo going through the house and killing his family. About a year later, George and Kathy Lutz buy the same house. It's cheap, and the deal of a lifetime, so what if a bunch of people were brutally murdered there a year ago? How do you pass up such a deal? You don't! You suck it up and buy the house. Besides, "Houses don't kill people. People kill people. "

The Lutzes move in and start making the house their home. But crazy crap starts happening. The dog getting locked in the boathouse. And the little kid getting into the boathouse. And George starts getting real pissy, especially about the boathouse. So, George and Lisa decide to go out for the night and hire a babysitter.

Well, the babysitter used to work for the DeFeo's and she tells the kids what went down. And she shows them the closet where the little girl, Jodie, was killed. After some discussion, the babysitter agrees to go into the closet in exchange for a KISS poster. Once she's in, the door locks itself and Jodie appears. And Jodie, very happily, puts the babysitter's finger into her bullet hole...

And thats just kinda gross.From here, George just keeps getting pissier and pissier. His relationship with every one if the family becomes more and more strained. Basically, if he's near the house, he's a massive prick. If he's away, he's alright. When he's home, he kills the dog with an ax. That sort of thing. Kathy goes and tries to get a priest to come and bless the house, but he freaks and leaves.

Finally, George just loses it on the 28th day in the house. He goes nuts and attacks everyone. He chases them around the house with a shotgun. Then one of the kids hits him with a pipe. But that's not going to stop him, oh no. Finally, Kathy gets the gun, but rather than killing him, knocks him out and ties him up. They escape on the boat and as soon as they're away from the house George is a col cat again. The End.

Now, I never saw the original Amittyville Horror. So, I can't tell you how true they were to it. As a horror movie today, on it's own, it was alright. Not great, but certainly better than a lot of the crap they've been churning out lately. My biggest problem though was Ryan Reynolds. He did a fine job, but every time I see him I think Van Wilder, I think 2 Guys a Girl and a Pizza Place. And I just can't take him seriously. There were a few good jump scares, but the mood of the movie was never exactly scary. So what do you give a movie lke this? What's fair? How about 6 and a half indians mutilated by a priest out of 10.