Friday, June 30, 2006

Brought to you by the letters R and E and Extinction

Look at what I have today...Pictures! Of ladies. Giggity giggity alllllright.

"Look at me...I'm a badass. I have massive knives...or possibly boomerangs that I use to kill zombies. I'm in a desert. I have a bad haircut. I'm gonna stare at you."

"Look at me...I'm a badass. I have some sort of a military uniform. And guns. And sunglasses that I stole from Johnny Knoxville. Look at my boots! I am so tough. Grr."

Thursday, June 29, 2006

What a twist!

I really liked Unbreakable. The Sisth Sense was pretty cool, even though my boss had ruined the ending for me well before I ever saw it. Jerk...

I haven't seen Signs yet, despite TNT showing in 24-7 last week and my friend loaning me the dvd (dude, I swear I'll return it soon...). I also haven't seen The Villiage yet. (What if I told you that I hadn't seen The Villiage yet? Would you get the impression that I really wanted to see it?)

Needless to say, I don't consider myself a huge fan of M. Night Shamma-lamma-ding-dong. It's not that I haven't enjoyed his movies, it's just that I won't go out of my way to really watch them. Actually, less than that, I won't even watch Signs when I'm sitting in front of the tv and the movie is ON, somehow I managed to get about 20 minutes into it and leave...

Despite this, I do want to see Lady in the Water. I think it has to do with the mermaid vs werewolf impression I get from the trailer. And really, memaid vs werewolf movies are a lost art form today. Back in the 20's, you couldn't spit on the sidewalk without seeing some movie theater showing something like The Memaid Who Grew Fuzzy in the Moonlight or It Bit Into The Sea. Classics. You don't see film making like that anymore. And it's a real loss for American cinema.

Look at that trailer. What more could you want from a movie? There are butterflies, pruney nymphs, fat people jumping in pools, doors shaking, giant birds and possibly a mystic's like Splash, but without Eugene Levy.

And speaking of Splash, what is it with the Howard clan? Ron directed Splash and his daughter, Bryce, is in Lady in the Water. Do they just have a fascination with people who live in the water? Or is it something more sinister? Perhaps as a boy, Ron accidently killed a mermaid on the set of The Andy Griffith Show thinking it was one of Don Knotts' hookers? And since then he has to make ammends through the generations?

Probably not. In fact almost certainly not. I'm sorry My Lawyer for Mr Howard, I did not mean to imply that you'd killed that hooker. She was dead when you got there. No? I mean, nothing like that ever happened. And I'm sorry to you as well, Mr Lawyer for the late Mr Knotts, I did not mean to imply that the woman in question wa s a lady of the night. I know, I know, she was the cousin of your friends daughter and you were merely showing the young lady the set of a television show.

Right, so Lady in the Water. July 21st. I'll see it eventually.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Spider man spider man does whatever a spider can

You may not know this, but I am a pretty big fan of the Spiderman movies. I mean, I don't sit around and watch them all the time like I do some other movies. But Spiderman and Spiderman 2 have both turned out to be pretty damn enjoyable. So, it's with great pleasure that I get to display, for your enjoyment, the teaser trailer for Spiderman 3.

You can also check out a bigger, higher quality version here.

You have to admit, it looks pretty damned cool. Well, the symbiote attaching itself to Spidey looks a little b-movie-esque, but the part where he's upside down and his reflection is the normal suit...oh yeah.

May 2007...still makes me think of the day the first Spiderman was released. May 3rd, 2002. I remember becuase it was my birthday, and it was also the day after I'd found out that my exgirlfriend (who was not my exgirlfriend at the time, she was actually still my girlfriend) had cheated on me...again! Whore thought she could hide it from me by telling one of my friends about it! Ha!

I enjoyed the movie though...

Monday, June 12, 2006

It's a 3 for 1 special

You know how you go to that diner down the street where the food isn't exactly great, but it isn't exactly expensive either? It's kind of like the blue plate special at that joint. The food is a little greasy, maybe a tad overcooked, but you're still pretty sure those are french fries on the side. They're probably french fries, you suppose that they could be carrots. It doesn't matter.

Cyber Wars is those fries. It's a movie. You know it's a movie because it's like every movie you've seen before. It borrows a bit from movies like The Matrix (Genevieve O’Reilly was in the second and third Matrix movies) and seems a LOT like Johnny Mnemonic only not NEARLY as good. Come on now, Keanu Reeves was great as Johnny. Hell, it was one of his best movies before The Matrix and from what I can tell, still one of his top 5.

Cyber wars is all about bounty Um, it's about the illusion of reality...not really. Um, it's about a game...maybe? It had that one dude from Blade Runner...oh yeah! It was crap. It was bad. Very very bad.

Next up is The Da Vinci Code. For many, this would be the main course. And really, this was probably the biggest surprise for me this weekend. The book was obviously a huge success and it's almost impossible not to know at least a LITTLE about the premise at this point. My initial thought before I watched it was that, eh, it looks ok. It wasn't as religious as I thought it would be though, which is odd considering it's about the holy grail and if Jesus was married.

It was a fun little movie with one little twist at the end that surprised me, and another twist that you can see from a mile away.

I suppose at this point in our meal...this analogy sucks. What the hell is wrong with me. It's not like I watched these in a row, this was spread out over a couple of days and just didn't have enough to say to warrant 3 posts.

X3: The Last Stand. The third in the series, and the end of the Xmen movies...forever? Yeah, it's the end of a story arc, that's all. It's certainly open ended enough that they could do a 4th. Let's keep our eyes on this one though. I think it suffers from being a bit too ambitious. We're introduced to many more mutants in this installment, and, unfortuanatly, most of them are not very well used. Kitty Pryde finally gets to be involved in the action, and Frasier Crane turns blue, but for the most part, there are so many new characters that they're hard to keep straight and keep involved in the story.

And speaking of the story, it was crap. A cure for mutation. It's like a cure for gay. Or a cure for left handedness. The whole point is that it's not a disease, it's who you are. And of course, Rouge wants the cure, which means that she's not in most of the movie. Cyclops appears briefly. Nightcrawler is MIA. It's less Xmen and more Storm and Worlverine take on everyone else with a little help from those kids over there. There's your fucking movie. Storm and Wolverine vs Magneto and Jean "The Phoenix" Grey in the war just off shore, this Sunday on Pay Per View, Good-ish vs Misguided battle for the freedom of all mutants at Alcatraz (weather permitting. fight lasts until someone is "cured" or disintegrated with mind powers). Also appearing, Fire vs Ice, Bobby "The Iceman" Drake takes on Pyro, because it's been inevitable for 2 movies. And in our opening match, The Juggernaut takes on a little girl.

I'd pay 9.95 for that.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

They should have added zombies. Zombies make everything better

I went and saw The Omen last night. It was less about seeing the movie and more about who I was going with. To be honest, I wasn't a huge fan of the original and in fact I'm not sure that I've ever seen it in it's entirety. I've seen some here and there that adds up to the whole thing. Oh well. Like I said the other day, I'm not a big fan of 70's horror movies.

The score was good. The pacing was terrible, it felt like the longest movie to ever finish in under 2 hours. And that might be what bothered me the most about it. It just felt so slow. It was like nothing was happening for most of the movie.

Damien, unfortunatly, was the least creepy kid that I've seen in a movie. He spent most of his time looking kind of goofy and I couldn't believe him as being anything sinister. Maybe vacant is a better word than goofy.

And who the hell hires a british nanny that DOESN'T have an english accent? Isn't that at least a little weird? Mrs Baylock was at least a bit of a bright spot. Mia Farrow was great in this movie. Ever protecting Damien from the church and his family and even murdering someone for him.

Julia Stiles however, while a good actress, was probably miscast in this movie. She's too young. She's barely 25, which makes her only a bit younger than me. Now think about it. She looks young, she looks about her age. Her husband is supposed to be in his early 30s. They have a 5 year old son. I could just never buy into it. It seemed wrong.

It seemed wrong like a homeless man lugging a manhole cover attached to a chain down the streets of Rome. I still don't get that. I've seen a lot of homeless people in my life but I've NEVER seen one haul anything on a chain. This of course leads to a gas truck explosion which stretches the bounds of coincidence a little thin.

Liev Schreiber was fine. Still maybe a little young, but he was fine. David Thewlis was good. He's got a good future as a poor man's Gary Oldman. Pete Postlethwaite was great as usual.

There are too many times where you find yourself asking things like, "come on, how is he going to get those knives through customs?" or well, other things that are equally as ridiculous. I can't remember anymore. I should take notes or something. Oh! Like at the end, wouldn't he have diplomatic immunity?

It's not the worst movie I've seen this year (that's still UltraViolet) but there's lots of room for improvement.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

The devil is coming

Underworld: Evolution is out on DVD as of today. That sounds wrong. Lets try that again.

It's 6-6-06, so you know that means? The devil is coming! The devil is coming!

Wait. No. Hold on.

Right, Underworld: Evolution was realeased on DVD today. And you know what that means, right?


NO! Now stop it!

No, it means that I had to spend my money on yet another DVD. It will forever be known in my heart as 456. The real question is, where do you buy something like this. It's like looking for the shiniest diamond. Or the wetest water. It takes some time and some dedication. I have neither of those, so I only looked in like 4 or 5 places online.

Suggested retail is $28.95. Obviously, it's suggested that you never pay retail for a dvd.

Deep Dicount DVD is selling it for $18.09. Is that even a discount? It's definatly not deep... (you should check out the Danger After Dark Collection though. It contains Moon Child, 2LDK, and Suicide Club. 3 excellent japanese movies for under $20. Now THAT'S a good deal.) is selling it for $16.96. That's almost $12 in savings! But, I think we can do better...

Best Buy is selling it for $15.99. What the crap? Isn't anyone under $15!

Here we go! Circuit City, the store you never think of, selling it for $13.99, and you can save on shipping by picking it up in the store. I, of course, completely blanked when I ordered it. I forgot that there is a Circuit City about five minutes from work. The shame.

As a not so honorable mention, you can pick it up at FYE for $12.99 but that's only after a $7 mail in rebate. You'd have to drop the $19.99 first and hopefully remember to mail in the rebate form.

I picked up the new AFI cd too, but that doesn't have anything to do with anything. I just thought that I would share anyways.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Summer movies

It's a nice day out today. Sunny, 79 degrees. It's June now, the birds are, unlike me, mating, and I guess I'm just thinking about some of the movies that I'd like to see this summer. (but probably won't see until this winter...)

The Omen: June 6th
Okay, there's a good possibility that I don't really want to see this. However, I may go tomorrow anyways. I'm not a huge fan of remakes and was never a big fan of the original. Sue me. I'm really not a fan of most horror movies from the 70's. I like the more modern stuff. Every indication is that this is a fairly straight forward retelling of the original, but brought up to date. So, we'll see. I may actually enjoy it.

A Scanner Darkly: July 7th
July 7th hopefully, maybe, in theory, we'll get back to you. This movie has been delayed since September of LAST YEAR. It a very interesting looking movie, using a cell shading technique similar to some video games, like the last Zelda game on the Gamecube. My guess is that it'll be released around Christmas of next year, if it's finished by then.

Pirates of the Caribbean : Dead Man's Chest: July 7th
This is a given. I absolutely LOVED the first movie and this will be more of the same I'm sure. And, Kiera Knightly is back. So, yeah, like I said...a given.

Pulse: July 14th
This is where my strange fascination with remakes of Japanese horror movies gets the better of me. Also, it's stars the Detroit suburb's own Kristen Bell who you may recognize as TV's Veronica Mars.

I will see this movie. Eventually. No, really...I will.

Clerks 2: July 21st
How could I NOT want to see this. I love Kevin Smith's movies. I've been a fan since I saw Mallrats (i saw it before I saw Clerks). It's the return of Dante and Randall, ten years later and still as lazy as ever. They're working at Mooby's now and joined by Rosario Dawson.

DOA: Dead or Alive: August 25th
Okay, there's no official site for it, and I wouldn't pay to see it...why is it on this list then? I'm not sure. It's an adaptation of a video game. And not just any video game, a fighting game, which you'll remember worked out so well for Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat. The video game is known mostly for it's...physics. Which is a nice way of saying the boobs bounce a lot. They did a BEACH VOLLEYBALL version of the game. Tells you something, doesn't it. Should be a great date movie...

I'll probably end up seeing more movies than are on this list, and probably like some of them more than this list, but, this is just a quick look at what I'm looking forward too.

And Blogger is really pissin me off today, I'm just having a TON of trouble getting pictures uploaded. It's taking forever.

And I never noticed this before, but the word "Blogger" is not in Blogger's own spell check. Ha!

Base u ball

Sometimes you look at a movie and see certain names or ideas associated with it that really get your hopes up. You look at a movie like Battlefield Baseball and think, baseball + murderous freaks, how can you go wrong? Apparently pretty easily.

Start by putting in a weird musical number, then DON'T PLAY BASEBALL.

It's a real choppy story of a guy who killed his dad playing catch. Everything happens too coincidentally.

It was pretty stupid, and I really don't want to spend much more time writing about it.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Analyzing: Star Wars Episode 6 Return of the Jedi

To be honest, I wanted to write about a horror movie today as sort of a welcome back now that Stacie has returned to the land of the blogging over at the fine Final Girl blog. Thank god for horny teenagers, you know? And spearguns apparently. Regardless, welcome back.

Anyways, down to business. I want to look at Return of the Jedi today. A movie that features everything from tribal teddy bears to giant slugs to iron underwear.

Something is revealed though in this movie. Luke Skywalker has a sister. That sister happens to be Leia Organa. Twins separated at birth. Hidden from a father who is the biggest wuss ever to oversee a galaxy. The father, of course, is Darth Vader. A man who was a bad ass until you realized what a pussy he was in the first three chapters. Vader is a topic all on his own though, and not really what I'm here to discuss.

You see, just before Luke goes off to confront his father, he tells Leia that they are siblings. Leia is of course shocked and questions how that could possibly be the case. She becomes hysterical and calls Luke a liar. Wait, no. That's not what happens at all is it? She just says that somehow she's always known that.

Fast forward to Han and Leia talking after they blow up the shield generator. Han asks Leia is she loves Luke. She says yes and tells Han that Luke is her brother. Han of course goes nuts, how can that be? He's from Tatooine, you're from Alderaan. You have different parents. You never even met until we rescued you from the Death Star. Wait, no. That's not what happened either. Han just accepted it. No questions. No shock. Not even a simple acknowledgement of being slightly surprised.

Wouldn't you expect some sort of proof? Something that would link them together? Maybe a medallion that they each have half of and they're able to form the whole thing together. Something other than Luke's word? And does Vader know that Leia is his daughter at any point? After their contemptuous exchanges in A New Hope, wouldn't Vader feel like something had slipped through his fingers? A chance to turn his daughter to the dark side?

Which brings me back to Luke. Vader had been scouring the galaxy for him. And the Emperor also wanted to find him. Seemingly, they both wanted him for the same purpose, to turn him to the dark side. That's the easy part of the story, but keep in mind, from The Phantom Menace, "Always two there are. A master and an apprentice."

So, Vader wants to be the master. He wants Luke to help him kill the Emperor and rule the galaxy in his stead. Vader, however, is too weak to kill the Emperor himself in his mechanical state. The force is a living thing and Vader, in many ways, is not. Vader is death made to walk. He is a head an a torso. Everything else is a mechanical prosthetic. He can't even breathe on his own. As such, he cannot control the force as well as he could before the transformation. Vader could have, should have been stronger than any jedi, but he wasn't ready when he faced Obi-Wan and as a result, he's now just a giant wuss dressed like a badass. Kind of like an emo kid.

This is the great tragedy of Darth Vader. Palpatine wanted Anakin because he would be stronger than him and someday overthrow his master. But Vader can't defeat Palpatine on his own, and therefore can never become the master. Vader is destined to always be the apprentice.

Which is why the Emperor wants Luke. He sees in Luke all the same potential that Anakin had, without the weakness of Vader. Here is an apprentice who, by destroying Vader, would demonstrate just how much stronger he is. Luke would be the student who he would teach and eventually would kill the emperor, because that is the destiny of every Sith master. They all secretly fear and hope for the day that their pupil strikes them down, completing the training.

Luke however, is not just stronger physically, but mentally as well. He does not possess the same character flaws that his father did. His weaknesses are different and harder to use against him. Anakin was proud, angry, jealous and scared. Luke suffers only from a fear of failing. He knows the consequences if he fails. His friends will die. His sister will die. The galaxy will live in fear. His fear is not a selfish fear. And that is why ultimately he does not fall to the Emperor.

Vader on the other hand is a weak, foolish, scared individual. All the power in the world, and he's scared of the thing that it can't be used for. He can't save the woman he loves. What he doesn't see is that it was trying to save her that ultimately killed her. But when he sees Luke being killed by the emperor, he finally realizes that he can save his family. He does have the power to do that. He said that he wanted Luke to rule by his side, but that's not it. He wanted to, no, needed to see that despite his failure to save Padme, he still succeeded. He had a strong son who knew right from wrong. His son knew how to use his power. His son did what had to be done. Luke was the Jedi that Anakin could never have been. And in that moment, with the realization that Luke did not hate his father, Anakin was able to kill the Emperor and save his son, and in the end, himself.

I think sometimes, maybe...just maybe, I think about Star Wars too damned much.