Saturday, December 30, 2006

Fiery the angels fell. Deep thunder rode around their shores... burning with the fires of Orc.

Sometimes, I see a commercial for a movie, or a trailer, or a newspaper ad, or a little banner on a website. This ad, it speaks to me. It speaks to me in a way that only a few people can speak to me. It speaks to me at a very basic level that shakes me to my core and screams "YOU MUST SEE THIS MOVIE!" As a result, I tend to keep the volume low on my television. Shaken Core Syndrome, or SCS, is likely one of the most pressing issues we face in America today.

The upcoming remake of The Hitcher, however, is NOT such a movie. However, it does contain something that will peak my interest more often than not. 2 magic words that will take me from my normal "That looks like a stupid fucking pile of shit" attitude towards a movie, to a kinder, more understanding "That looks like a stupid fucking pile of shit that I want to see" attitude towards a movie. Those 2 words are "Sean Bean."

Who else would walk in the footsteps left by Rutger Hauer? Who, besides Boromir? Who else, besides Alec Trevelyan? Who could play John Ryder if not Odysseus himself? That's the question I pose to you!

Well, I guess anyone really. I mean, you know, it's just Rutger Hauer. He's not all that. He was only Roy Batty. Pff! Only! Only?!

I have no idea where I'm going with this. Here's a trailer.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

I was right. I hate being right.

As a follow-up to yesterday's post, I have this...

From Neil Gaiman's blog:

And the reason I'm trying to post is that when I did Internet Cafe my way online yesterday I discovered pretty much all of my FAQ messages were people asking whether I was really going to be writing the Silent Hill sequel with Roger Avary. I'm afraid that I don't think I am -- I mean, it's the first thing I've ever heard of it, and I'm sure that if they make a sequel Roger would want to write it himself. I am writing Black Hole with Roger (we're one draft in right now), and we already wrote next year's Beowulf. If I get home to find an invitation to write Silent Hill 2 with Roger is waiting for me I'll let you all know, but for right now I think it's a discredited internet rumour.

So, it looks as though it was all just high hopes. Hopes that have now been crushed like a spider beneath the size 11 Nike of reality. It's too bad, I would have loved to see what Gaiman could bring to a world like Silent Hill.

Marlee Matlin is in this episode of SVU

To be honest, I'm like anyone else, some days, I just want to sit back and watch Law & Order. I especially like SVU and Criminal Intent. And you know what, I'm glad I did tonight. I got to see a commercial for the new Pang Brothers movie, The Messengers. Have you seen the trailer yet? No? Okay, here, check this out...

I have to say, it looks pretty sweet*. I may actually go check this out in the theater.

*I may be slightly biased by the fact that I've liked some of the Pang Brothers' movies in the past.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

I'm leaning towards "Fanboy Wet Dream"...

I'm going to create a new game. It's a categorizing game. You know, the kind where you look at something or read something and decide if it's one thing, or another thing. The name of this game is "Fact, or Fanboy Wet Dream".

Here's today's scenario:

Gaming blog posted an article about Silent Hill 2. According to an interview with director Christophe Gans, the sequel will be written by Roger Avary and Neil Gaiman.

Avary wrote the first Silent Hill movie, which was directed by Gans. The addition and potential wildcard here is Neil Gaiman.

Let me tell you a bit about how I feel about this. If Gaiman had written Titanic, I would have seen it 30 times. I have 3 Sandman tattoos. I own, at the very least, all of his novels in hardcover (a few in paperback/other forms as well). I bought a second copy of MirrorMask...just to buy a second copy. So, if Gaiman is involved with the sequel, that would be fantastic news.

Which is what leads me to believe that it won't be the case. We'll find out though, I'm sure that if it's true, Gaiman will mention it in his blog when he returns...

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Welcome back, to that same old place that you laughed about.

I guess the reality is that I just can't stay away. I wish I had the time to update this more regularly, but right now, I just don't. So, my Christmas gift to my 3 regular readers (not to mention my New Years Resolution) is to at least pop in and work my blogging magic infrequently. I think I can handle that.

So, tis the season for year in review type lists, right? Of course. Everyone loves them. So, I thought I'd do one myself. Now, I'm not going to do a Best of 06 for you (unless I change my mind), because, lets be honest, many many many bloggers will. And besides, when I think of the movies I watched this year, I realize that it would be a pretty short fucking list (and a list consisting of V for Vendetta and A Scanner Darkly isn't much of a list).

Instead, I thought, maybe I could make a list of the worst movies I saw this year. I'm not going to rank them though, because lets be honest, shit smells like shit, there's no two ways about it. What I will do though it select one movie from that list and award my brand new annual award, The Turd-y.

Without further ado, here are your nominees for Shittiest Movie of 2006:

Earth Vs The Spider
: You were so awe inspiring that I changed the channel to watch an episode I'd seen 30 times.

Cyber Wars: If you'd been coherent, you really coulda been great. No, I'm kidding, you had way more problems than that.

X3: I didn't have the highest of hopes to start with, the initial reviews weren't very good. Everyone said it was pretty bad, and for one, a movie lived up to it's hype...

: The original was ok. I like Kristen Bell. Holy hell was this a waste of money though.

The Omen: I didn't like the original either.

: Regular violet wasn't enough, this was ULTRAviolet. Ultra Crap. (me-Did I REALLY just make a joke that bad? Holy shit, that joke was almost as bad as the movie!)

Zombie Honeymoon: Somehow managed to forget to put zombies in the fucking movie.

Izo: Wow...that's a sword...coming out of your vagina...

And the one that started it all, the first review I ever did for $7 Popcorn...King Kong: Bad but disqualified to to the fact that I actually saw it in 2005.

Those are your 9 nominees. And now, you winner is...

Who the hell sealed this envelope? Did you use packing tape? Holy christ man, what's wrong with you.

Ok, the winner of 2006's Turd-y for worst movie of the year goes to....UltraViolet!!!!!!!! With it's incoherent story, bad acting and terrible effects, it really just was the bits of corn in the turd that was 2006's movies.