Friday, March 31, 2006

2 in one day? Am I crazy?

I think I'm hopelessly excited about a movie that is just starting to film, and since it's Korean, won't make it to the US for like, a billion years....

Chan Wook Park is starting in on his new movie called I'm a Cyborg, but That's Ok. A romantic comedy about a girl in a mental institution who believes she's a cyborg. And hilarity ensues! says it just started filming, so I'm sure it's a ways off yet. And after that, I guess Park is making a vampire movie that will have less hilarity ensuing.

$7 Popcorn: The Next Chapter

Have I ever mentioned how much I liked 28 Days Later? No? Ok.

I really liked 28 Days Later. While not a zombie movie in the strictest sense, it still has to be considered a part of the genre.

That said, I'm not sure that it needs a sequel. That right, a part deux. From Fox's new TEEN division, Fox Atomic. The sequel, titled 28 Weeks Later is being produced by Danny Boyle, Alex Garland, and Andrew Macdonald. Apparently it takes place six months after the outbreak, and here come the Americans to reseed life into Britain or some such thing.

I'm all in favor of zombie outbreaks on film (not so much in real life though), be it due to rage, t-virus, alien invasion, whatever. All for it. More zombies. However, I am NOT in favor of sequelizing every movie that makes a couple bucks. Sometimes, sequels are fine. Resident Evil, Underworld, I liked the sequels. They continued the stories in a way that it didn't feel like they were just cashing in.

On the other hand, I've yet to realize why we needed a second Blair Witch movie or Day of the Dead 2: Contagium. Or the first House of the Dead, the sequel was a lot better, we should have skipped the first one.

It just seems like all the time and "creativity" being used on sequels and remakes could be better spent on creating new characters and stories. This is where I think Romero really did it right. The characters are different each movie and though they've been made over about 40 years, it's much less time in the actual timeline of the zombie outbreak. The premise is the only real interconnected thing between the movies. It's just different people as we go along this alternate reality.

Or the sequels to Alien. Those worked, mostly. Well, for me. I'm probably in the minority having actually liked Alien Resurrection. So, sure, some sequels have worked out well. Others have been Episode I. It's a mixed bag. I just worry that Hollywood rushes into making sequels too often to movies that don't need them. It is possible to tell a story sometimes in the course of a single film. It's not like there's a huge rush to make Saving Private Ryan 2 or The Next Independance Day.

Sequels just generally seem like an easy way out of making something worth watching.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

It's like a clip episode. Quick and Cheap when you don't have any new material

Since King Kong comes out on DVD today, I just thought I'd remind you what a giant monkey turd the movie was.

It was a giant monkey turd.

Re-Read all about it Here

Monday, March 27, 2006

Woo! Fun!

I think some people put too much emphasis on a movie having to be serious. Sometimes a movie is just junk food for your brain. No, maybe you can't live off of goofy kinda stupid movies. But to me, Twins Effect II is sort of the equivilent of cheating on your diet. You can eat healthy constantly, but sometimes you just have to break down and have that milk shake. Fuck what the doctor says, fuck your lactose intolerance, just go for it.

Right. Twins Effect II, a sequel in name only really. Like the first movie, released stateside as Vampire Effect, it stars pop duo The Twins, Charlene Choi and Gillian Chung. Where the first movie was about vampires, kind of, the second does not. So, luckily you don't have to see one to understand the other (unlike The Matrix, which I still don't understand...). This time the Twins (who look nothing alike) get to travel through a Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon-like landscape. A world in which men are enslaved and women rule and headed by an evil queen who hates men and casts spells to give them...breasts. Like I said, it's not an Oscar contender.

The characters are on a mission to retrieve a sword called Excaliber (I think they got that from somewhere else, but I can't think of where). It's all bright colors, funny faces, cgi, wire work and weird characters with names like Blue Bird and 13th Young Master and Blockhead and Charchol Head. Yeah, this is serious cinema. This is what you discuss in your disertation on asian film and it's influence on western culture. Right.

And where, Vampire Effect had Jackie Chan, this one had doubled the Chan by including Jackie and his son Jaycee! That's right, 2 generations of Chans for the price of one! And 1 of them becomes KING.

Yes. It's a stupid movie, but it's stupid in such a fun way that I can't hold that againt it. And really, when you get down to it, isn't that WHY you watch movies? For something fun? At least once in a while? Twins Effect II is 106 min of goofy fun. Enjoy it while you can, I hear you have to watch something serious soon.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

At least it's something that I WANT to watch again.

I'm not really sure what I expected out of Pulse, and to be honest, I'm not sure what I got from it either. I mean, I think I knew what was going on, but there's still this thing where, maybe there was more to the whole thing.

What I'm really curious of though it was the remake will be like this summer now. From what I've seen in the trailer it looks like a very "based on a true story" kind of remake. Some of it looks similar, most of it looks very different. I guess though that too coud be a technological difference as well. All of the internet stuff was dial up, and we're full on into broadband now.

I think it's the kind of movie that I'll end up needing to see again to really get it. I will say this though, I liked the way it started with a bunch of people who knew nothing of each other and had seperate stories and gradually they were either kind of brought together or killed off. Much lke the computer program in the movie...these dots that if they get too close they die, but if they get too far apart they're drawn closer together.

I was expecting a ghost story I think and got more an end of the world movie that at times reminded me a little of Dragonhead. And while that's not a BAD thing...I don't know, I think I'll need to watch it again.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Universal has officially gone insane

I've always thought that the movies studios offering downloads of their movies was a good idea. At a reasonable price of course. If a dvd is going to cost my $20 with it's nice, pretty packaging and new dvd smell, why not let me download it myself for $5-10 and I'll do all the work. I'll create whatever case I might need, I'll decorate the disc or something. Have different options and price points, like you could d/l JUST the movie for $5 and for $10 you could d/l the version with all the special features and commentaries. The studios would still make money, and I'd be able to get what I want the way I want.

But no, tis not to be. Universal has corrupted my brilliant idea. What they want to do is let you download the movie over the course of 45 min to an hour and then send you the actual DVD. Which wouldn't be so bad if they weren't going to charge 35 fucking dollars. For $35 that movie should come with some popcorn, a soda and a blowjob. They're out of their mind! The only movie I have EVER been compelled to pay over $30 for was the extended editions of The Lord of the Rings Trilogy.

Now, I may be off base, this is starting as a UK thing, and the $35 is because of the exchange rate, which says something about our money in this country. It just seems like an awfully high price if I can go to Best Buy and get the same movie for $17.99 the day it comes out. And it's not like I could download the movie really ahead of time. So what kind of service are you providing for that price? Convinience? It's better for the industry if I go buy the movie in a store. I rarely walk out with just the 1 movie that I went in for.

And I love that they're going to use some sort of DRM to make sure that you can't EMAIL the movie. Because that's what everyone does...emails movies. That's how those villianous pirates operate, through email.

Universal says that this could "completely revolutionize the way people watch movies". I can't imagine how. Unless for $35 I get the movie downloaded to my BRAIN. feed...I'd be like Johnny fuckin Mnemonic. That would be awesome. That would be worth $35, even if I had to give up a chunk of my past.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Kristen Bell is so short....

I just wanted to share real quick, has some new pics from the upcoming Kristen Bell remake of Pulse.

I finally got myself a copy of the original Japanese movie Kairo. And I plan on watching it this weekend, so it may get me even more excited about the remake. Who knows! I may lose interest entirely. Either way, I'll talk about Kairo a bit more this weekend.

What are they SAYING

After a bit of thought, I really think that DVDs were designed with me in mind. Ok, not ME me, but me as in people like me. Which makes it much more plausible and a bit less conceited. What I mean is, the ability to not just have a movie, but to have the special features along with it. Making Ofs and Deleted Scenes. Trailers for other movies, gag reels, easter eggs and of course audio commentaries.

And you know what? I love the commentary tracks. It started with Kevin Smith's Mallrats commentary and then Lord of the Rings. The thing is, sometimes, I'm not even sure what it is that I like about the commentaries. Hell I've listed to Eddie Izzard do a commentary for one of his stand up dvds! That was...weird.

So, imagine my disapointment when I tried to check out the commentary on Kung Fu Hustle and The Grudge. Why was I disapointed you ask? No? What do you mean, no? Are you trying to say you don't care? Well, fine. Be that way.

The commentaries aren't in English! No, I can understand that in Kung Fu Hustle. Hell, I kind of expected it. It's not exactly and English language movie to begin with. But The Grudge was!

I saw The Grudge in the theater. I bought the DVD right when it came out. Never once have I put the dvd in to watch it again. Not sure why, just haven't gotten around to it. Part of it was my anger when the Director's Cut came out a couple months later. Last week, I found the DC used for cheap, so I bought it. And, I'm not impressed. For being a DC, the second dvd of the same title, there's not a lot on the disc to entice someone who bought it once to buy it again. And with the commentary in Japanese, it's even less reason. And, I understand that the crew was Japanese. The director was Japanese. It was shot in Japan. I get that. I understand that. But, why not put a cast commentary on the disc, Sony? Huh?

If you're going to put out version after version after version of the same movie on dvd, one of 2 things needs to happen. The dvd needs to get better (have more stuff, a better video transfer, etc) or it needs to get cheaper. And since things don't get cheaper in this world, then they need to have more stuff on them. At the point that you are reasleasing a movie on dvd for the second or third time you are going for a market of people that have either already bought it once or twice, or the people who are holding out for the ultimate experiance. (I'd be the former. I can't wait for ANYTHING. That's why I buy so many imported movies. I hate knowing that a movie I want to see is out on dvd in another country, but may never see dvd here, but that's a whole other subject.)

So, with the two movies, I try listening to the commentary, only to have no idea what they're talking about. Yeah, it's subtitled, but I tend to be lying down without my glasses when I listen to the commentaries. So, that does me no good. I may never know what was going through Stephen Chow's head while he was making Kung Fu Hustle!

Friday, March 17, 2006

Let's go to the movies!

I was listening to one of those wacky morning shows on the radio this morning and they mentioned that people are staying away from movie theaters in droves because of other people's cell phones. I don't buy it. That's relativly minor really since your phone might ring at home anyways, so big deal.

So, it led me to think, why do I stay away. Well, now we're getting somewhere. So here it is:

Why dreamrot Doesn't Go To Movie Theaters If He Can Help It As A General Rule

You can't drink at the movie theater. Let's face it, if I wanted to sit around for a couple hours with a bunch of strangers and not have a beer, I'd go to an AA meeting.

You can't smoke. At least you can smoke at an AA meeting. As a smoker, try sitting through King Kong and not wanting to light up about halfway through the movie. Then, your options are to miss half the movie or not pay attention. In the case of King Kong, I probably would have been better off going outside to smoke instead of watching that giant monkey porn.

There are other people there and other people are stupid. What are you going to do, you know? There's a reason I drink so much when I'm out around people. They're dumb. They wear too much cologne, they talk through the movie and they are just generally annoying.

The movies don't look interesting. And the ones that do aren't worth $10 to put up with the other annoyances for. There's something to be said for sitting in your own living room or with a friend and just being able to relax while you watch a movie. It can make some of the worst movies that much more bearable.

It's expensive. There isn't much I'd pay $10 to do. Especially if I'm going to have to pay more once I'm inside. Get some popcorn and a soda, see the loan officer about a 2nd mortgage to pay for it home I can BUY a new dvd a 2 liter of soda and a bag of popcorn and still come out ahead. And it's not that I'm a cheapskate either. I have no problem spending my money. I do it often. It comes down to paying $10 to see a movie one time, or $20 to buy a dvd that I can watch as much as I want. And really, aren't we all just looking for the better deal?

And that's the main thing. It's just not a good deal. And this is just my perspective on it, I'm not a people person. I'm not a guy who's comfortable when I go places all the time. I know myself that well. I don't like people, so I drink when I go out, and when I drink, I smoke.

The point is, use you cell phone at the movies, I don't care, I won't be there.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Is it out loud if I'm typing it?

I think that if it turns out to be true, I am all in favor of Benicio Del Toro staring in a remake of The Wolf Man. The guy looks like Lon Chaney, Jr's wolf man already!

Without even realizing it, I've liked a lot of Benicio's movies. Snatch has been a favorite of mine for a long time now, The Usual Suspects, and Sin City as well. And I own 21 Grams, even though I haven't watched it yet.

It makes me wonder though if Universal plans to remake some of the other classic monster movies. I know they're already planning a remake of Creature from the Black Lagoon and maybe the Dracula and Frankenstein movies have been done too many times now. But a new Bride of Frankenstein could be a lot of fun. Or The Invisible Man. Or even The Mummy to cleanse my memory of that Indiana Jones wannabe with Brenden Frasier.

Something though that isn't a hodgepodge of as many creatures as you can ala Van Helsing. I'm sure I'm not the only on in the world who would like to see some of this stuff done now. Hell, do it like Showtime's Masters of Horror and see what you get if you put horro's best director's each in charge of a title.

Hell, I'm just thinking out loud here. And I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but I think it would be an interesting idea.

Just leave the kid out...or at least explain it.

Hot on the heels of my glowing, review I guess, of Infection, word is that New Line has picked up the rights to remake it, American-style.

I'm curious how they'll cast this, a group of up and coming young stars, a la Pulse. Or just with 1 kinda of well known name like most of these remakes. Or maybe they'll just sell it to NBC as a Very Special Episode of Scrubs. Personally, I like the third one.

To dream the impossible dream

Did I ever tell you about my lifelong dream? No, not the one about the indoor lake. No, not the one where I have the mutant ability to change the number of lines on loose leaf paper. The one where I wandered around in some sort of costume and acted as though it were completely natural, like a STORMTROOPER costume...yeah, that one.

But I don't have to, I can live vicariously through Danny Choo and his blog. There's something about him walking down the streets of Tokyo in full stormtrooper gear that just makes me happy. There's something random and just amazing about it, I think that's why I like the idea so much. Of course, the idea of a stormtrooper getting a haircut is hilarious and stopping to get ramen, forever answering the question of what do stormtroopers eat.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Things that make you

This Friday, V for Vendetta will be released theatrically and to be honest, I'm not sure I could be any less interested. That's odd to me, if only because this would generally be just the kind of movie I would be interested in. Comic book adaptation, futuristic setting, Natalie kind of movie to be sure.

There's just something, and I can't quite figure out what, that is stopping me from being very interested in seeing it. Maybe it was the underwhelming feeling of the last 2 Matrix movies. Maybe it's a left over bad taste from Aeon Flux (which I know has nothing to do with it, but still seems, at least on the surface, thematicaly similar). Maybe it's Portman's Sinead O'Conner haircut. I'm not sure.

Of course, this isn't to say that I won't see it at some point. Hell, I may very well end up liking it. But I'm not in any hurry.

Good for a quick laugh!

I love this picture! It's Vinnie Jones as Juggernaut for upcomming Xmen 3. But, I just can't help but think he looks like some cosplayer getting ready to go to a con with his friends. C'mon! It looks like it was taken in his mom's apartment! The only thing missing is a fat dude dressed as Storm!

That picture is freaking me out

I think I want to cry. I've really been looking forward to seeing the new remake Night of the Living Dead 3-D. And then this pops up from Jeff Broadstreet via Fangoria then
"We are not releasing the film on March 17, due to a couple of issues, the CG visual effects have taken longer than expected to finish, and we also had a technical problem on the 3-D postproduction end of things that cost us a couple of weeks. So we are now looking at a fall release—probably mid-September, but I don’t have an exact date yet.”
It's not because of technical issues. It's because god hates me. All those mean things I've said over the years, god is punishing me. Unless...yeah, maybe he's TESTING me. Yeah, to see how strong I can be! Yes! That MUST be it! Well, you'll see. You'll all see! Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

...ahem...Right. Um, yeah. I apologize for that outburst. I don't think Jeff gets it though. You see, by September, all I'm going to be thinking about is Battlestar and it's October return. March was primed for the release. But now, well, I don't know what I'm going to do. As appealing as 3D zombies are, what if I forget? What happens then? What if the zombies attack before Septemeber and I'm in my shelter? How will I go see a movie then? Huh?

Monday, March 13, 2006

Catechism. It looks wrong, but it's spelled right

Sometimes, and I think this happens to all of us...sometimes you can't help but want to see something even though you know it will probably suck. I'm talking about another remake of a asian horror movie, in this case, Pulse.

You see, I loved Dark Water and Ju-On and Ringu. I did. Loved them. Even proposed to all 3 of them at one point, but I couldn't find a priest to marry us (all that catechism for nothing!). Now, I liked The Ring, I really did. Not as much as Ringu, but I liked it. The Grudge was...alright. I've seen worse. Dark Water (The US Version), I bought but haven't had a chance to watch yet (much like about 90 other movies...someday though!). You see, I have this problem where I have to watch these remakes. I have to. There's really nothing I can do about it, it's out of my hands.

So, Pulse. See, Pulse has something else going for it besides being just another remake, and that thing is Kristen Bell. That's right, Detroit area native, MAXIM covergirl and star of Veronica Mars, Kristen Bell.

So, remake of an asian horror movie starring Kristen Bell. What more could you ask for? Well, I suppose a good script, good acting, a worthwhile story, I could go on...BUT these things will be known LATER. Now. I have to think about NOW. So, what else is happening NOW. Well...THIS:

Got that from Hot, isn't it. I'm just thinking about how that would look in my living room. More, right? More. Ok.

Ok. Alright. I know. It has a JULY release date. That's closer than Battlestar though! And, well, other people (Final Girl for example (no, go follow the link, I love her blog. Really, it's ok. Look, it's all down hill from here anyways and she's a better writer than me anyways. No, don't worry, you won't offend me. Just come back when you're done.)) are doing a great job talking about Silent Hill. So...from me, you get Pulse. If only because it beats me talking about getting ripped off buying DVDs on eBay.

They have really small butts over there. Yeah I think I'm okay with that. No, look at their cigarettes

Last May, I guess, I saw the Russian movie Night Watch. It wasn't the greatest translation, but I was mostly able to follow what was going on I think. Not much really stands out anymore. I remember that I liked the movie, but not why.

On Saturday, I watched the Russian movie Day Watch. The sequel to Night Watch. You know what? It was a lot of fun. A little long, but fun none the less. My biggest problem was with the translation. It was terrible. I don't think I can say it any other way, it was bad. The movie itself starts off with the warrior Tamarlan finding the Chalk of Destiny. Yes, the CHALK of destiny. This magic chalk allows you to go back in time and fix your mistakes, if you know how to use it. THAT is the trick...

So, Tamarlan dies (he got old), and time goes on. Anton is a light one working on the Night Watch to protect the world from the dark ones (don't worry, the day watch protects the world from the light ones). And Anton is going to be held responsible for the end of the world. If only he could use the chalk. The CHALK of DESTINY. Yeah, the magic chalk. Rewrite history, change the world, all that.

It's pretty apparent that the film makers put a few rubles into making the movie, and it looks well made. How often do you get to see a car race along the side of a building, hit the emergency brake and fall in a window then take off down the hallway. And a were-parrot, can't forget about him. Who wants to go through life called The Parrot?

The whole thing really made me want to go back and see Night Watch again. And I'm very interested in seeing what Fox has done with the subtitles.

For the most part, the only thing I didn't like was the translation. I wasn't really expecting too much though. So, over all, Day Watch gets 4 juice boxes full of blood out of 5.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

You need a plan. No, really.

Ok, today I'm going to blantantly STEAL an article from like it was an mp3:
It was reported today via Production Weekly that Oded Fehr will be returning as Carlos Olivera in the third installment of the Resident Evil franchise. Paul W.S. Anderson returns to write the script for Resident Evil: Extinction, which Russell Mulcahy will helm. And guess what we've got? The official synopsis! Milla Jovovich is back as Alice, and she's running with a new pack of humans, leading a caravan that's cutting through the Nevada desert on a long trek to Alaska. Hunted by the minions of the perpetually scheming Dr. Isaacs, Alice has zombies hungry for her flesh (once again) and lab rats hungry for her blood -- while Alice is hungry for only one thing: revenge. Also joining the cast is Mike Epps and Iain Glen as Dr. Isaacs. Production is scheduled to begin in mid-May in Mexico.
Which is brilliant, but dangerous at the same time. When you think about it zombies don't go into cold areas as much. Why you ask? Well, the food supply is lower for one thing. Everything is so barren and spread out that it can provide a good hideout as well because you can see what's coming at you. It's not the best idea though because if a zombie freezes they can go all Encino Man on you when they thaw. Freezing won't kill them, it only slows them down. It's the same with water, they can't swim but they don't need to breathe, so they can walk along the bottom indefinatly.

It does make me wonder, where is Racoon City to begin with that they have to go through Nevada to get to Alaska. I always thought of Racoon City as being more Midwestern, but what do I know, right? I'm no expert on Resident Evil Mythology, would it be mythology, lore? Trivia? I don't know what the right word would be.

I like the idea of heading for Alaska though. I think it's pretty sound, though it's a long ways to go. At best you'd have to pass through Nevada, Oregon, Washington, then Canada to get to Alaska. Unless you took a boat...

See now, my plan calls for a boat. And deep water. Like I said, zombies can't swim. And they don't float. So, assuming that a zombie would be at best, just under 7 feet tall, then any water over 10 feet deep would be pretty safe. You just have to be careful fishing...

What? Don't look at me like that. You mean you DON'T have a Zombie Survival Plan? That's a mistake. How can you hope to survive if you don't have a plan? Take your chances? Hope for the best? You're screwed man.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Hey, Dr. Jones, no time for love. We've got company.

There are things in this world that you can spend your life wondering about and never find an answer for. Atlantis, bigfoot, the Loch Ness monster, the cure for cancer, or what happened to Short Round.

Short Round was of course, Indiana Jones' sidekick in Temple of Doom. A young child at the time, somehow travelling the world with a womanizing white man (I mean that in the nicest possible, James Bond, kind of way). A professor who is...good with a whip and spends his free time trading stolen artifacts with gangsters. The perfect role model for any young, asian boy.

But you know, that's fine. I can overlook that. Temple of Doom takes place a year before Raiders of the Lost Ark. That means it's the first of the three movies, chronologically. It also means that Short Round could have been with Indy for god knows how long, but a year later, in 1936, when Indy was in Peru, stealing the golden idol, Short Round is gone.

So, what happend? Did Short Round get tired of the lifestyle and return to his home villiage to live out the rest of his days in quiet peace? Perhaps he was swallowed by an anaconda in the South American jungle.

I want to see an answer to this in Indiana Jones IV. Did Short Round die? Did he just leave? What happened??

Poor, poor Short Round.

You can quote what you want. I'm going with High Fidelity

What is the image in your mind when I mention the word "zombie"? Well, if you're anything like me you think of a horde of unthinking, unfeeling, hungry, autonomous dead. A creautre who's only interest is feeding. A creature who is stronger than you. Their ranks multiplying after each feeding. They're hard to kill. And they just keep coming.

See, this is what makes zombies so scary. You can't reason with them. The mob outside your home just keeps growing. As your food and supplies dwindle, the mass of undead is just getting bigger. You can't outlast them. They aren't going to just go away on their own. They want one thing, to eat your flesh. And they'll wait until you make a mistake.

That's what I think of when I hear the word "zombie". And that's why Zombie Honeymoon was such a pathetic excuse for a movie. There is 1 "zombie" in the movie (named Danny), but he's not really a zombie. Zombies cannot think for themselves, but Danny was still an emotional person. Danny manages to kill and eat 9 people. None of them turn into zombies themselves. Danny promises never to eat his wife (sucks to be her). Zombies do not do this. They can't make promises, all they can do is moan. Zombies don't even remember their human lives.

And how do you kill a zombie? Shoot it in the head? Hit it in the head with something? Set it on fire (maybe, but it's dangerous for you to do, it could set your shelter on fire...)? Destroy the brain. That's how. Not wait two days and it'll die on it's own.

In High Fidelity, Barry asks Rob, "How can someone with no interest in music own a record store?". In my mind I wonder "How can someone who has no interest in zombies make a zombie movie"?

So, fuck you Zombie Honeymoon, you were a complete waste of my time.