Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Welcome back, to that same old place that you laughed about.

I guess the reality is that I just can't stay away. I wish I had the time to update this more regularly, but right now, I just don't. So, my Christmas gift to my 3 regular readers (not to mention my New Years Resolution) is to at least pop in and work my blogging magic infrequently. I think I can handle that.

So, tis the season for year in review type lists, right? Of course. Everyone loves them. So, I thought I'd do one myself. Now, I'm not going to do a Best of 06 for you (unless I change my mind), because, lets be honest, many many many bloggers will. And besides, when I think of the movies I watched this year, I realize that it would be a pretty short fucking list (and a list consisting of V for Vendetta and A Scanner Darkly isn't much of a list).

Instead, I thought, maybe I could make a list of the worst movies I saw this year. I'm not going to rank them though, because lets be honest, shit smells like shit, there's no two ways about it. What I will do though it select one movie from that list and award my brand new annual award, The Turd-y.

Without further ado, here are your nominees for Shittiest Movie of 2006:

Earth Vs The Spider
: You were so awe inspiring that I changed the channel to watch an episode I'd seen 30 times.

Cyber Wars: If you'd been coherent, you really coulda been great. No, I'm kidding, you had way more problems than that.

X3: I didn't have the highest of hopes to start with, the initial reviews weren't very good. Everyone said it was pretty bad, and for one, a movie lived up to it's hype...

: The original was ok. I like Kristen Bell. Holy hell was this a waste of money though.

The Omen: I didn't like the original either.

: Regular violet wasn't enough, this was ULTRAviolet. Ultra Crap. (me-Did I REALLY just make a joke that bad? Holy shit, that joke was almost as bad as the movie!)

Zombie Honeymoon: Somehow managed to forget to put zombies in the fucking movie.

Izo: Wow...that's a sword...coming out of your vagina...

And the one that started it all, the first review I ever did for $7 Popcorn...King Kong: Bad but disqualified to to the fact that I actually saw it in 2005.

Those are your 9 nominees. And now, you winner is...

Who the hell sealed this envelope? Did you use packing tape? Holy christ man, what's wrong with you.

Ok, the winner of 2006's Turd-y for worst movie of the year goes to....UltraViolet!!!!!!!! With it's incoherent story, bad acting and terrible effects, it really just was the bits of corn in the turd that was 2006's movies.