Sunday, March 05, 2006

You can quote what you want. I'm going with High Fidelity

What is the image in your mind when I mention the word "zombie"? Well, if you're anything like me you think of a horde of unthinking, unfeeling, hungry, autonomous dead. A creautre who's only interest is feeding. A creature who is stronger than you. Their ranks multiplying after each feeding. They're hard to kill. And they just keep coming.

See, this is what makes zombies so scary. You can't reason with them. The mob outside your home just keeps growing. As your food and supplies dwindle, the mass of undead is just getting bigger. You can't outlast them. They aren't going to just go away on their own. They want one thing, to eat your flesh. And they'll wait until you make a mistake.

That's what I think of when I hear the word "zombie". And that's why Zombie Honeymoon was such a pathetic excuse for a movie. There is 1 "zombie" in the movie (named Danny), but he's not really a zombie. Zombies cannot think for themselves, but Danny was still an emotional person. Danny manages to kill and eat 9 people. None of them turn into zombies themselves. Danny promises never to eat his wife (sucks to be her). Zombies do not do this. They can't make promises, all they can do is moan. Zombies don't even remember their human lives.

And how do you kill a zombie? Shoot it in the head? Hit it in the head with something? Set it on fire (maybe, but it's dangerous for you to do, it could set your shelter on fire...)? Destroy the brain. That's how. Not wait two days and it'll die on it's own.

In High Fidelity, Barry asks Rob, "How can someone with no interest in music own a record store?". In my mind I wonder "How can someone who has no interest in zombies make a zombie movie"?

So, fuck you Zombie Honeymoon, you were a complete waste of my time.