Thursday, July 31, 2008

Shark Week: We Only Come Out At Night

There are ways to tell what kind of movie you're going to watch even before the movie starts. Sometimes you know an actor or a director and the kind of movies they make. Other times it's the subject matter. Still others it's from what people of have said about a movie. It's rare though that you get a warning from the DVD itself...

Oh boy. This should be awesome. You'd think I was watching the newly discovered footage from Metropolis or something. Not some shitty shark movie from 1987. A movie I picked up to review for last year's Shark Week but never got around to. A movie staring Treat Williams and Antonio Fargas. Yeah, THAT Antonio Fargas.


I'd like to tell you what it was about, but to be honest, I'm not sure. I'm not sure the writer or director are sure either. I'm not sure Treat Williams knew what the hell was going on. Something about a cd and wire tapping. And some business types who wanted to kill a guy because of the wire tapping. And some diamonds. And a cd. Oh, I mentioned the cd already. And there was a shark. The shark was kind of secondary though. It was there, but the story, if it can be called that, wasn't about the shark. And Huggy Bear was in it.

Did I mention that it didn't make any sense? That's on top of it just being plain bad. Not the good kind of bad either. Not Death Bed bad. Not Octopus 2 bad. No. This was the kind of bad that can't be described with words.

It's kind of like this:

Yeah. It's a lot like that. The entire movie. Its only real redeeming quality is a molotov cocktail fight near the end. Which sounds cooler than it really was. 3 one eyed sharks called cyclops with a cd in their bellies out of 10.