Tuesday, May 09, 2006

We're not supid, are we?

I never thought I would agree with Ron Howard on something. Not because I tend to disagree with him, but because I've never heard or cared about how he felt. Sorry, Opie, it's nothing personal. It's just that, you've always been a million miles away, and you've never taken the time to ask how I felt, so fair is fair.

The Da Vinci Code will not have a disclaimer stating that it is a work of fiction. In related news, water will not have a disclaimer stating that it is wet.

Apparently, some in the catholic church have so much faith in the movie going public that they feel we won't be able to tell that Forest Gump is not really a Harvard Scholar.

It's a movie, I think we all know that it's not factual. It's a story. It's made up. Just like Jesus. Maybe.

Ok, lets look at it this way, it's no more true than Dogma and no one put a disclaimer on...wait, there was a disclaimer on that. A movie with a POOP MONSTER needed a disclaimer.

Maybe there's some truth to it all. Maybe ALL movies should have a dislaimer...

Ultraviolet could have used one:

WARNING - This movie is a complete waste of time. Go ask for a refund now. It's PG-13, so there aren't even any boobs or blood to save it. How do you make a bloodless vampire movie anyways?

Or King Kong:

Warning! - Sure Naomi Watts is hot as hell, but she might as well make out with the giant monkey

Or Star Wars: Attack of the Clones:

DUDE! - If you pause the movie at XX:YY:ZZ when Padme and Annakin are in the ship, about to leave Tatooine to go to Geonosis, you can totally kind of see Natalie Portman's nipples.

Well, you have to keep your target audiance in mind.

It's ridiculous though to have to tell a movie audience that they're about to sit down and watch a piece of fiction. It's a given. We understand that. Movies have been around long enough now. And I would think that a movie like The Passion of the Christ should have been more in need of outrage and disclaimers.

Warning! - This is the story of Jesus as told by the crazy cop from the Lethal Weapon movies. He played Mad Max for fuck's sake! And now, what? He's a religous scholar? RRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIGGHHHHHHHTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Movies are movies. They're entertainment. They are not now, or ever a replacement for genuine learning tools like the internet. Because everything on the internet is true.