Good for a quick laugh!

I love this picture! It's Vinnie Jones as Juggernaut for upcomming Xmen 3. But, I just can't help but think he looks like some cosplayer getting ready to go to a con with his friends. C'mon! It looks like it was taken in his mom's apartment! The only thing missing is a fat dude dressed as Storm!

That picture is freaking me out

I think I want to cry. I've really been looking forward to seeing the new remake Night of the Living Dead 3-D. And then this pops up from Jeff Broadstreet via Fangoria then Bloody-Disgusting.com:

"We are not releasing the film on March 17, due to a couple of issues, the CG visual effects have taken longer than expected to finish, and we also had a technical problem on the 3-D postproduction end of things that cost us a couple of weeks. So we are now looking at a fall release—probably mid-September, but I don’t have an exact date yet.”

It's not because of technical issues. It's because god hates me. All those mean things I've said over the years, god is punishing me. Unless...yeah, maybe he's TESTING me. Yeah, to see how strong I can be! Yes! That MUST be it! Well, you'll see. You'll all see! Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

...ahem...Right. Um, yeah. I apologize for that outburst. I don't think Jeff gets it though. You see, by September, all I'm going to be thinking about is Battlestar and it's October return. March was primed for the release. But now, well, I don't know what I'm going to do. As appealing as 3D zombies are, what if I forget? What happens then? What if the zombies attack before Septemeber and I'm in my shelter? How will I go see a movie then? Huh?

Catechism. It looks wrong, but it's spelled right

Sometimes, and I think this happens to all of us...sometimes you can't help but want to see something even though you know it will probably suck. I'm talking about another remake of a asian horror movie, in this case, Pulse.

You see, I loved Dark Water and Ju-On and Ringu. I did. Loved them. Even proposed to all 3 of them at one point, but I couldn't find a priest to marry us (all that catechism for nothing!). Now, I liked The Ring, I really did. Not as much as Ringu, but I liked it. The Grudge was...alright. I've seen worse. Dark Water (The US Version), I bought but haven't had a chance to watch yet (much like about 90 other movies...someday though!). You see, I have this problem where I have to watch these remakes. I have to. There's really nothing I can do about it, it's out of my hands.

So, Pulse. See, Pulse has something else going for it besides being just another remake, and that thing is Kristen Bell. That's right, Detroit area native, MAXIM covergirl and star of Veronica Mars, Kristen Bell.

So, remake of an asian horror movie starring Kristen Bell. What more could you ask for? Well, I suppose a good script, good acting, a worthwhile story, I could go on...BUT these things will be known LATER. Now. I have to think about NOW. So, what else is happening NOW. Well...THIS:


Got that from LatinoReview.com. Hot, isn't it. I'm just thinking about how that would look in my living room. More, right? More. Ok.



Ok. Alright. I know. It has a JULY release date. That's closer than Battlestar though! And, well, other people (Final Girl for example (no, go follow the link, I love her blog. Really, it's ok. Look, it's all down hill from here anyways and she's a better writer than me anyways. No, don't worry, you won't offend me. Just come back when you're done.)) are doing a great job talking about Silent Hill. So...from me, you get Pulse. If only because it beats me talking about getting ripped off buying DVDs on eBay.

They have really small butts over there. Yeah I think I'm okay with that. No, look at their cigarettes

Last May, I guess, I saw the Russian movie Night Watch. It wasn't the greatest translation, but I was mostly able to follow what was going on I think. Not much really stands out anymore. I remember that I liked the movie, but not why.

On Saturday, I watched the Russian movie Day Watch. The sequel to Night Watch. You know what? It was a lot of fun. A little long, but fun none the less. My biggest problem was with the translation. It was terrible. I don't think I can say it any other way, it was bad. The movie itself starts off with the warrior Tamarlan finding the Chalk of Destiny. Yes, the CHALK of destiny. This magic chalk allows you to go back in time and fix your mistakes, if you know how to use it. THAT is the trick...

So, Tamarlan dies (he got old), and time goes on. Anton is a light one working on the Night Watch to protect the world from the dark ones (don't worry, the day watch protects the world from the light ones). And Anton is going to be held responsible for the end of the world. If only he could use the chalk. The CHALK of DESTINY. Yeah, the magic chalk. Rewrite history, change the world, all that.

It's pretty apparent that the film makers put a few rubles into making the movie, and it looks well made. How often do you get to see a car race along the side of a building, hit the emergency brake and fall in a window then take off down the hallway. And a were-parrot, can't forget about him. Who wants to go through life called The Parrot?

The whole thing really made me want to go back and see Night Watch again. And I'm very interested in seeing what Fox has done with the subtitles.

For the most part, the only thing I didn't like was the translation. I wasn't really expecting too much though. So, over all, Day Watch gets 4 juice boxes full of blood out of 5.

You need a plan. No, really.

Ok, today I'm going to blantantly STEAL an article from bloody-disgusting.com like it was an mp3:

It was reported today via Production Weekly that Oded Fehr will be returning as Carlos Olivera in the third installment of the Resident Evil franchise. Paul W.S. Anderson returns to write the script for Resident Evil: Extinction, which Russell Mulcahy will helm. And guess what we've got? The official synopsis! Milla Jovovich is back as Alice, and she's running with a new pack of humans, leading a caravan that's cutting through the Nevada desert on a long trek to Alaska. Hunted by the minions of the perpetually scheming Dr. Isaacs, Alice has zombies hungry for her flesh (once again) and lab rats hungry for her blood -- while Alice is hungry for only one thing: revenge. Also joining the cast is Mike Epps and Iain Glen as Dr. Isaacs. Production is scheduled to begin in mid-May in Mexico.

Which is brilliant, but dangerous at the same time. When you think about it zombies don't go into cold areas as much. Why you ask? Well, the food supply is lower for one thing. Everything is so barren and spread out that it can provide a good hideout as well because you can see what's coming at you. It's not the best idea though because if a zombie freezes they can go all Encino Man on you when they thaw. Freezing won't kill them, it only slows them down. It's the same with water, they can't swim but they don't need to breathe, so they can walk along the bottom indefinatly.

It does make me wonder, where is Racoon City to begin with that they have to go through Nevada to get to Alaska. I always thought of Racoon City as being more Midwestern, but what do I know, right? I'm no expert on Resident Evil Mythology, would it be mythology, lore? Trivia? I don't know what the right word would be.

I like the idea of heading for Alaska though. I think it's pretty sound, though it's a long ways to go. At best you'd have to pass through Nevada, Oregon, Washington, then Canada to get to Alaska. Unless you took a boat...

See now, my plan calls for a boat. And deep water. Like I said, zombies can't swim. And they don't float. So, assuming that a zombie would be at best, just under 7 feet tall, then any water over 10 feet deep would be pretty safe. You just have to be careful fishing...

What? Don't look at me like that. You mean you DON'T have a Zombie Survival Plan? That's a mistake. How can you hope to survive if you don't have a plan? Take your chances? Hope for the best? You're screwed man.

Hey, Dr. Jones, no time for love. We've got company.

There are things in this world that you can spend your life wondering about and never find an answer for. Atlantis, bigfoot, the Loch Ness monster, the cure for cancer, or what happened to Short Round.

Short Round was of course, Indiana Jones' sidekick in Temple of Doom. A young child at the time, somehow travelling the world with a womanizing white man (I mean that in the nicest possible, James Bond, kind of way). A professor who is...good with a whip and spends his free time trading stolen artifacts with gangsters. The perfect role model for any young, asian boy.

But you know, that's fine. I can overlook that. Temple of Doom takes place a year before Raiders of the Lost Ark. That means it's the first of the three movies, chronologically. It also means that Short Round could have been with Indy for god knows how long, but a year later, in 1936, when Indy was in Peru, stealing the golden idol, Short Round is gone.

So, what happend? Did Short Round get tired of the lifestyle and return to his home villiage to live out the rest of his days in quiet peace? Perhaps he was swallowed by an anaconda in the South American jungle.

I want to see an answer to this in Indiana Jones IV. Did Short Round die? Did he just leave? What happened??

Poor, poor Short Round.

You can quote what you want. I'm going with High Fidelity

What is the image in your mind when I mention the word "zombie"? Well, if you're anything like me you think of a horde of unthinking, unfeeling, hungry, autonomous dead. A creautre who's only interest is feeding. A creature who is stronger than you. Their ranks multiplying after each feeding. They're hard to kill. And they just keep coming.

See, this is what makes zombies so scary. You can't reason with them. The mob outside your home just keeps growing. As your food and supplies dwindle, the mass of undead is just getting bigger. You can't outlast them. They aren't going to just go away on their own. They want one thing, to eat your flesh. And they'll wait until you make a mistake.

That's what I think of when I hear the word "zombie". And that's why Zombie Honeymoon was such a pathetic excuse for a movie. There is 1 "zombie" in the movie (named Danny), but he's not really a zombie. Zombies cannot think for themselves, but Danny was still an emotional person. Danny manages to kill and eat 9 people. None of them turn into zombies themselves. Danny promises never to eat his wife (sucks to be her). Zombies do not do this. They can't make promises, all they can do is moan. Zombies don't even remember their human lives.

And how do you kill a zombie? Shoot it in the head? Hit it in the head with something? Set it on fire (maybe, but it's dangerous for you to do, it could set your shelter on fire...)? Destroy the brain. That's how. Not wait two days and it'll die on it's own.

In High Fidelity, Barry asks Rob, "How can someone with no interest in music own a record store?". In my mind I wonder "How can someone who has no interest in zombies make a zombie movie"?

So, fuck you Zombie Honeymoon, you were a complete waste of my time.