Syfy Original Movie Titles

Have I mentioned that I'm now a cable subscriber? Well, no, not really. It's satellite. And it's the cheapest package I could get. I mean, I really only watch a few channels. I like Discovery, I watch some of the rare non-law and order shows on USA and, as you may already know, I <3 Syfy Original Movies. Instant classics. Now, I know that not everyone agrees. Frankly, I feel that they fill an important niche though.

Movies to drink to.

No one wants to sit around with a bunch of beers and friends making fun of Children of Men. It's just not going to happen. On the other hand, if you hear that some low grade celebrity is starring in this weeks Syfy original train wreck of the week, hell yes you want to tune in. There's nothing better than watching some former household name appear in the worst movie you could imagine them in and wonder how they've sunken so low.

And let's be honest here, if someone says that there is a movie called Mongolian Death Worm, why the hell wouldn't you want to tune in? The titles are just fun. Which led to author A. Lee Martinez having a Create Your Own Original Syfy Movie Title contest on Twitter. You may notice that my own idea for Rhino Virus was an honorable mention (btw, if anyone from Syfy reads this, I'm willing to sell the idea for Rhino Virus pretty cheap. Seriosuly. I just want to see it get made).

The beauty of these movies is that you know what you're getting with them. You know it's going to be a low budget, kind of cheesy movie. And you know, there are many of us that love these kind of movies. You can have your big Iron Man and Transformers movies, I'd much rather see Sharktopuspocalypse (if anyone from Syfy made it this far, I'll throw in Sharktopuspocalypse with Rhino Virus. It's a 2 for 1! Haw can you lose??).

Another Great Shirt!

I have to say, I disagree with the premise that SharkShark would be impossible. Personally, I see SharkShark as a Jaws 3 type movie, set in a Chinese circus/freak show/aquarium filled with bizarre and terrifying oddities of the oceans. Among these sickening creature is a siamese shark! Two heads, two tails, one body, twice the carnage!

Shirt available from HijinksEnsue [via io9]

Movies I'd Like To See

Here's the thing, I'm a man of ideas, not a man of action. I tend to have all of these great ideas, either for new movies or just how to fix the ones I see. Today, I had an idea for a movie. Most likely a SciFi Original.

The story would take place in some African country like Kenya or the Congo. A medical research facility is working on a cure for a very dangerous strain of the flu virus. Maybe we keep it somewhat relevant by calling it bird flu or something. That's still somewhat topical, right? Whatever, it doesn't matter.

Regardless, something happens at the facility. The scientists turn on each other, local militants invade the facility, something. And, in the process, the virus they've been working on is let loose and infects a rhinoceros.

Meanwhile, a group of college kids decide to spend their spring break in Africa on a safari of sorts. One of those package deals where you stay at a resort and they take you out in a jeep to see wildlife. The college kids would be a mixture of a few kind of nerdy kids who are interested in the science aspect of it all (biology/zoology students) and some rich, good looking kids who are there because 'everyone goes to _____ for spring break!" and they think that they're better than that. At least one of this group will be an attractive woman who's parents sent her thinking it would be an educational thing. Most likely, she will be the type who, while being a part of the rich/popular clique, is more interested in hanging out with the 'nerds',

The virus that the rhino contracts turns it mad, and it starts to kill lions and tigers. So, all the kids see on their trips into the widerness are dead animals. The rhino keeps getting closer and closer to the resort until it attacks. It's then up to our college kids to be eaten by the killer rhino and stop it!

Mmmm! Tasty entrails!

The movie will be called Rhino Virus.

Someone get Boaz Davidson on the phone!

Sometimes an idea is so fucking brilliant you just have to run with it

Dear Sci Fi Channel,

I saw that you have a new movie coming up next weekend, Gryphon. I have to admit it looks...well, like a Sci Fi Original. I got to thinking, you have a fairly illustrious history of low budget man/monster movies. Chupacabra, Frankenfish, and my favorite, Mansquito. So, I thought maybe I could pass on an idea of my own.

Picture a scientist in a lab, or maybe an explorer in a jungle, it doesn't matter, but he gets bitten by some unknown species of ant. He ends up getting some of the ant's abilities. You know, enhanced strength, tunneling, diabetes, that sort of thing. But, unlike that guy who was bitten by the spider, this dude goes on a rampage and it's up to a rag-tag group of exterminators to wipe him out. One of them is the kid who "isn't even supposed to be here today," another is a Vietnam vet who takes the whole thing too seriously, the third is mad as a hatter from all the poisons (think Christopher Lloyd in Taxi), maybe Christopher Lloyd would be available for that one.

And you can call the movie Mant. See what I did there? Man + ant = Mant. Pretty good, huh?

I'll admit, I don't have a story, let alone a script. But I have a title, and at least 2 people who would want to watch it, and I think that's a pretty good start.

If you decide to run with it, let me know and I'll give you an address to send the royalty checks to.

Your humble blogger at $7 Popcorn,
dreamrot