Thursday, April 19, 2007

Giant Monsters All Out Attack Week Day 4: King Kong vs Godzilla

I hate it when I fall asleep towards the end of a movie. Especially since it's rarely a critique of the movie itself. More often it's just that I'm tired after work and fall asleep. Such was the case with King Kong vs Godzilla. The 1962 return of Godzilla.

Yes, that's right. Return. In Godzilla Raids Again, he was trapped inside an iceberg. Luckily, with the help of an incredibly inept US submarine crew Godzilla is released to wreak havoc upon the Japanese mainland!

I'm free, bitches! What are you gonna do now? Attack me with toys??

Godzilla heads for a Japanese military outpost where he is promptly attacked by toys.


I used to like setting my toys on fire too.


Retreat successful, sir! What should we try next?

Godzilla is able to withstand the attack. Meanwhile, on Faro Island, two representatives of the Pacific Pharmaceutical Company are trying to find a new corporate mascot. They've come to the island in search of a giant god. Instead, they find a giant octopus, played by a real octopus, attacking a hut, played by a miniature hut. The octopus does, however, draw the attention of King Kong who appears from the jungle to face off against the slimy beast.

You slimy bastard!

Everyone celebrate Kong's victory in the most natural way.

Yay for smoking!

With cigarettes. Kong celebrates with a different drug. The juice of the Soma berry. This has the effect of giving him a roofie. He passes out and the Japanese men tie him up and take him home.

Once in Japan, Kong and Godzilla gravitate towards each other do to the fact (and by fact I mean "an announcer said it, so it must be true") that they are instinctual enemies. Also, FACT, Godzilla, being a lizard, is afraid of electricity. Kong, however, being a giant goddamn ape is made stronger by electricity. I don't know why. No one bothers to explain it. It is, however, presented as fact. FACT!

Kong and Godzilla meet and Godzilla, using nuclear fire breath, sets Kong's crotch on fire. Kong says "fuck this noise" and wanders off. Godzilla continues to meander towards Tokyo while giving the people of Japan time to dig a giant fuck off hole in the ground to trap Godzilla and erect a series of power lines around the city. Kong also attempts to attack Tokyo, however the electricity only makes him stronger. Luckily the people of Japan have some drugs and form a drum circle, putting Kong to sleep. Once again unconscious due to the effect of the roofies, the Japanese attach BALLOONS to Kong to transport him to where ever the hell Godzilla is.

No ticket!

When they find Godzilla, they cut the ropes, DROPPING Kong on top of Godzilla. Thus our final fight begins.

Eat your veggies you bastard!

They fight and fight until they fall into the ocean. Kong eventually emerges and swims home to Faro island, Godzilla's fate is unknown.

I watched the easier to obtain US version of the movie, which differs, apparently, from the original. Universal made a few decisions with this movie aside from dubbing the voices. They also used a group of UN News reporters to broadcast a play by play of what was going on. They also used the music from The Creature from the Black Lagoon rather than using Akira Ifukube's soundtrack, because really, what the hell did he know?

Overall, it was fun, though it did suffer from the plodding pace typical of monster movies at the time. 7 soma berries to put you to sleep while natives dance around you on some tropical island out of 10.