Godzilla Haiku

This might end up being the most amazing thing on the internet today. Godzilla Haiku!

Monster Movie Poster Monday

Not much to say about this one. Godzilla, 1955, featuring Perry Mason (before he was Perry Mason). I'm trying to get ready to leave for San Francisco tomorrow morning. That should be fun, though completely irrelevant to this post. You know what else I'm doing? Trying to book a trip to LA the first week in June. Yeah, see, how's that for personal insight. Ok, I'm done sharing now.

Monster Movie Poster Monday

I know I haven't been fulfilling my end of the bargain here...I try, but if I'm out of town, I can't always get something up when I want to.

This week it's the German poster for Godzilla vs Monster Zero.

Monster Movie Poster Monday

It's snowing again. I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am that spring will be here soon.


This week's poster is actually better known as Terror of Mechagodzilla. I like this poster though, even if the title isn't actually the title.

Monster Movie Poster Monday

Hey there! Did you miss me? Did you notice I was gone? No? Oh. Well, I've returned anyways. Back from an actual vacation. That's right, I left the state for something other than work. Pretty neat, huh?




Might as well keep it simple as we launch back into our normal habits. This one is the American version of the original Gojira.

Monster Movie Poster Mondays

Godzilla 2000 might actually have been the first Godzilla movie I ever saw in it's entirety. Sure, I had caught a few on tv, but never the whole movie and, I mean, it's tv, you flip though the channels.

Godzilla 2000 also started a run of watching Godzilla movies every Friday for a couple of months at my friend's house. It also started one of our favorite games when watching foreign movies. We'll look at a movie and try to re-cast it using American actors. It's one of the best games we ever invented. It's up there with 'Pullman or Paxton' and 'Name 5'.

Monster Movie Poster Mondays

I skipped last weeks monster movie poster because of the Film Club post. Not this week though. Lets see what I have on my hard drive now...

Ah, there we go. Gigantis, The Fire Monster. Gigantis was the title of the U.S. release of Godzilla Raids Again, the second Godzilla movie. This also marked the first time that Godzilla fought against another monster AND the first appearance of the giant, spiny armadillo Anguirus. Why was the title changed? From Wikipedia:

For a long time, this change in name was thought to be because Warner did not have the rights to "Godzilla". However, Edward L. Schreibman, the producer of the American version, has said that he changed Godzilla's name to "Gigantis" to give the audience the impression that they were seeing a new monster. He has since regretted that decision.

Monster Movie Poster Mondays

We pause here, yet again on Monday, to look at the kind of posters that no one bothers to make anymore. A shame, really. I mean, these posters are great pieces of art! Compare this weeks poster for Destroy All Monsters from 1968 to...well, any current poster.


What would you rather have, not necessarily on your wall, but on the wall at the old cineplex? This draws your eye to it. This stands out. Admittedly, I should have chosen a different one since I'm in New York this week. I could have taken the American Godzilla poster, but it's a pretty boring poster, isn't it?

Monster Movie Poster Mondays

Monster Movie Poster Mondays has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? It's a good way to start off the week I think.

This weeks poster is Godzilla vs The Thing.

This would be Godzilla's 4th movie and would be the first collaboration with Mothra. A partnership that would benefit both through at least 10 movies. The poster itself is somewhat reminiscent of the poster for The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms. Though, really, monster movie posters of the time tended to follow a somewhat similar formula.

Don't deny it!

You know, when it comes to giant monsters, only one name comes to mind. Godzilla. And, you know what, when it comes to Godzilla movies, there's only one that stands head and shoulders above the rest, that, of course, it Roland Emmerich's 1998 opus Godzilla. Godzilla is Hollywood film making at it's finest. Established and successful writers, check (Ted Elliot and Terry Rosio were ROBBED by the Academy for theit Little Monsters screenplay!). Big name actors, check (Nothing says opening weekend like Mathew Broderick and Hank Azaria!) High caliber director, check and double check (hey, this is the man who brought you Universal Soldier, and if he can handle the majesty that is Jean-Claude Van Damme, then he can handle ANYTHING!)

Much like Chuck Norris, Godzilla would not be stopped. It's success was assured before anyone even saw it. However, there was no way we could no what we were in for. Now, sure, many of us had seen those old cheesy movies late at night or on Saturday afternoons. And they were silly. That's why they had to throw out all of Toho's Godzilla history. I mean, it was a guy in a rubber suit! Sure, that might have been good enough back in the day, but this was 1998! Almost the 21st century. Rubber suits are okay for aliens, but if we learned anything from Jurassic Park, it was that dinosaurs had to be computerized!

And the original story? Sure, that might be fine for the Japanese, but come on! When it comes to making movies, or cars, they're like little children over there. Sure, it's cute to watch them try to imitate the adults (USA! USA!), but when it comes time to really get something done, you need the kind of experience that they just don't have.

Besides, all Toho did was rip off The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms. Hell, we can do that here! We made it in the first place! We can just recycle the story! Not like anyone has seen that movie in years! And hell, that puts the action right where it belongs, New York City. Let's be honest, American audiences just don't care about movies that take place anywhere else. It's pretty hard to get worked up over a monster attacking a fictional city like Tokyo (what kind of name is that anyways? Tokyo! Ridiculous!). School kids can at least find New York on a map sometimes!

Though, for all of it's awesome-osity, it was lacking a few things. For one thing, there was no wise cracking African-American. Were Sam Jackson and Will Smith BOTH busy? And, while Broderick was good as the worm scientist, I have to believe that Steven Seagal or Vin Diesel would have brought a bit more credibility to the role, not to mention, the fight sequences would have been MUCH more interesting.

Sweeeet...

That's neither here nor there though, it's hard to argue when a masterpiece is a masterpiece. And Godzilla certainly is one!

In other news, have you checked out the blog-a-thon going on over at Lazy Eye Theatre?
Edit: I may have missed it by a day...such is life...

Wouldn't it be fun if I did a whole week of trailers? Day 1

I saw a preview today, and I just HAD to share:





Written by Michael "Remember me from 'The State'?" Ian Black, directed by David "Hey, I played Ross" Schwimmer and starring Simon "I might be the funniest actor ever" Pegg and Dylan "I was the guy who looked like Harry Potter in Shaun of the Dead" Moran and Hank "I was that guy in the American Godzilla movie. No, that was Mathew Broderick, I was the OTHER guy" Azaria.

Any one of those would have been enough to make me want to see this movie.

Giant Monsters All Out Attack Week Day 4: King Kong vs Godzilla

I hate it when I fall asleep towards the end of a movie. Especially since it's rarely a critique of the movie itself. More often it's just that I'm tired after work and fall asleep. Such was the case with King Kong vs Godzilla. The 1962 return of Godzilla.

Yes, that's right. Return. In Godzilla Raids Again, he was trapped inside an iceberg. Luckily, with the help of an incredibly inept US submarine crew Godzilla is released to wreak havoc upon the Japanese mainland!

I'm free, bitches! What are you gonna do now? Attack me with toys??

Godzilla heads for a Japanese military outpost where he is promptly attacked by toys.

Attack!!


I used to like setting my toys on fire too.


Retreat!!!

Retreat successful, sir! What should we try next?

Godzilla is able to withstand the attack. Meanwhile, on Faro Island, two representatives of the Pacific Pharmaceutical Company are trying to find a new corporate mascot. They've come to the island in search of a giant god. Instead, they find a giant octopus, played by a real octopus, attacking a hut, played by a miniature hut. The octopus does, however, draw the attention of King Kong who appears from the jungle to face off against the slimy beast.

You slimy bastard!

Everyone celebrate Kong's victory in the most natural way.

Yay for smoking!

With cigarettes. Kong celebrates with a different drug. The juice of the Soma berry. This has the effect of giving him a roofie. He passes out and the Japanese men tie him up and take him home.

Once in Japan, Kong and Godzilla gravitate towards each other do to the fact (and by fact I mean "an announcer said it, so it must be true") that they are instinctual enemies. Also, FACT, Godzilla, being a lizard, is afraid of electricity. Kong, however, being a giant goddamn ape is made stronger by electricity. I don't know why. No one bothers to explain it. It is, however, presented as fact. FACT!

Kong and Godzilla meet and Godzilla, using nuclear fire breath, sets Kong's crotch on fire. Kong says "fuck this noise" and wanders off. Godzilla continues to meander towards Tokyo while giving the people of Japan time to dig a giant fuck off hole in the ground to trap Godzilla and erect a series of power lines around the city. Kong also attempts to attack Tokyo, however the electricity only makes him stronger. Luckily the people of Japan have some drugs and form a drum circle, putting Kong to sleep. Once again unconscious due to the effect of the roofies, the Japanese attach BALLOONS to Kong to transport him to where ever the hell Godzilla is.

No ticket!

When they find Godzilla, they cut the ropes, DROPPING Kong on top of Godzilla. Thus our final fight begins.

Eat your veggies you bastard!

They fight and fight until they fall into the ocean. Kong eventually emerges and swims home to Faro island, Godzilla's fate is unknown.

I watched the easier to obtain US version of the movie, which differs, apparently, from the original. Universal made a few decisions with this movie aside from dubbing the voices. They also used a group of UN News reporters to broadcast a play by play of what was going on. They also used the music from The Creature from the Black Lagoon rather than using Akira Ifukube's soundtrack, because really, what the hell did he know?

Overall, it was fun, though it did suffer from the plodding pace typical of monster movies at the time. 7 soma berries to put you to sleep while natives dance around you on some tropical island out of 10.

Giant Monster Theater!

In lieu of a review of Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorrah: Giant Monsters All Out Attack, I've decided to go for something different. Basically, I'm going to expand on my Gamera 2 post...

Here we go: 7 Dollar Popcorn Presents: Giant Monster Theater!
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You know what guys? I'm sick of always being the bad guy. Fuck that shit!

Tough titties, Ghidorah! You think I'm going to be the bad guy?

Sure! It's been a while. Be the bad guy!

Fine! I'll get rid of my pupils and be the bad guy.

Why do you want to get rid of your pupils?

Because that way I look like a zombie! It's creepier!

Yeah it is. You look so weird!

Ok then. If I'm the bad guy, what does that make your three?

We're the good guys. We'll be like Guardian Spirits or some shit.

You can't be a good guy! You don't know how!

Oh come on, how hard can it be? Mothra can show me how!

Yeah, that's no biggie. Baragon will help out too.

Just do what I do!

Wait! I'm not ready!

Oh, you fuck shit!

I can do that!

Chomp!

I hate you guys. remind me why I stay friends with you.

We have the hook up for hookers and blow.

Shit! That's right.

Besides, we have history!

History? we have a history of you guys attacking me when you get all hopped up on PCP! That's what we have you fucktards!

You know, you really need to learn how to relax.

Yeah, take a vacation, go on a cruise or something. Those ships have EVERYTHING!

You know what, fuck you guys. I'm going to go home and go back to being the good guy. You three suck.

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Oh man! Those wacky monsters!

Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorrah: Giant Monsters All Out Attack really wasn't very impressive. Very different from the modern Godzilla movies. Very middle of the road. 6 oxygen destroyers out of 10.

In which I take care of my moral obligations.

It has recently been brought to my attention that I have some sort of a duty as a blogger to "help mold film making."

Here I've spent the past year assuming my obligation as a blogger was to foam at the mouth and write mildy witty comments about the movies I watch. I mean hell, I started doing this as a way to talk shit about movies.

But if someone in this world thinks that entitles me to influence Hollywood (I'm looking at MoviesOnline.ca), then goddammit, I'm gonna try!

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Dear Hollywood,

Hey there! How ya been? It's been along time since we talked last! I know, I made new friends, those wacky foreigner and their crazy ghost stories. I guess I got a little too caught up in that new circle that we lost touch. It was kind of cute at first when you tried imitating them to win me back, what with your own wacky ghost stories.

What was it, 1998? Remember that summer? We spent so much time together, going to the beach, hitting Cedar Point. You were there when my girlfriend dumped me. I tried to warn you that getting involved with Jerry Springer was bad news. You were so full of dreams though back then. Between saving your Army friend Pvt. Ryan, and saving the world from an asteroid (twice!), you introduced us to your friend Mary and your Japanese friend Godzilla. Remember him? You gave him that makeover for his big introduction.

I've been wondering about him lately, too. Or, I should say, her. She did lay all those eggs! What ever became of them? You know, I had an idea. Maybe it's time you bring Godzilla back across the Pacific, I hear he's retired now, but maybe you can talk him into one more romp through the city. Bring his friends, too, he's going to need them!

See here's my idea, take a city like Seattle, and it's overrun with zombies. Yeah. See, you like zombies. So, all these zombies taking over the city, nothing can stop them, and then, here comes Godzilla. To save the day! But in the process, Godzilla turns into a zombie. And then turns all his monster buddies into monster zombies! Monster zombies with an insatiable lust for human flesh!

Now, I know there's a lot left to that story, and I'll leave that up to you. You're the one with the creative writers. I'm only trying to create a mold for you. A basic shape. It's up to you to fill it.

Let me know what you think. It'd be great to hear back from you regardless, you know, just to catch up. And I hop I get to see Godzilla Vs The Zombies on the schedule for Memorial Weekend 2009!

Sincerely,
dreamrot
Your humble blogger at $7 Popcorn

PS: You can change the title if you want. I'm just throwing it out there.

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Thank god that's done. I never realized being a blogger meant I had so much responsibility.

Go go Godzilla

I don't care what happens in my life, or what happens when I grow up, all I know it that I hope I never get to a point in my life where I don't enjoy watching people in rubber monster costumes destroy cities and fight each other.

So, I was watching Godzilla: Final Wars again over the weekend. Oh, and Godzilla: Tokyo SOS.

Final Wars is really a pretty fun movie. My biggest complaint about it is that there wasn't actually enough Godzilla. There was too much ancillary Xmen bullshit going on to take away from the giant monster apocolypse that should have been the focus of the movie. I mean, this, according to Toho, is Godzilla's swan song. This is it. After 50+ years he's finally getting the gold watch and a shove out the door leaving a legacy of carnage and destruction that will keep Japanese contractors in business for years.

And it's a shame. I mean, here is an employee who, for half a century, embodied the Toho work ethic. His attendance was perfect, he came to the office early every morning and worked late every evening. But, such is the lonely life of the salary man...err monster.

Regardless, Toho did manage to throw one hell of a retirement party for the big guy, and nearly all of his friends showed up. Mothra, Ceaser, Ghidorah, Rodan, Gigan, hell, even his American cousin made an appearance (even if he does get called a "tuna eating monster", poor kid). The only one missing was Mechagodzilla, but, it's understandable since they sunk him at the bottom of the ocean in the last movie, so, he was occupied. I think the big guy understood though.

Hopefully he's spending his time wisely, enjoying his time, maybe finally getting to spend some time with his son. Taking him to T-ball on Monster Island. Maybe getting in a few rounds of golf. Just, living the so-called "good life", you know? Because, as the ruling King of Monsters for 50 years, Godzilla deserves some time for himself now.

MSN DVD Guide Part 2

Some days, I love MSN Movies. I mean, it's just nice to be able to talk about something, and it doesn't hurt that I don't respect their opinions.

Today it's "Cold Blooded Killers" aka Reptiles. I guess it has something to do with the Sam Jackson masterpiece that's sweeping the nation... You know, the movie that BARELY squeked out a win last weekend at the box office. The on that BARELY beat a movie that was been out for 3 weeks. The one that barely beat out a movie that they don't even show commercials for anymore. Yeah, the one that was supposed to be HUGE because of the buzz on the interweb. I never understood the hype.

Regardless, MSN did a list of their top ten giant lizards/reptiles/monsters/whatever...

10. "Raiders of the Lost Ark" (1981) and sequels
I guess this world also double as a prequel, call it Snakes in a Temple. Or, here we go, Indiana Jones 4: Snakes in a Retirement Home. Ha! I'm funny.

9. "Gamera: The Guardian of the Universe" (1995)
I loved this movie. Check it out, it's a lot of fun.

8. "Lake Placid" (1999)
Really...not that good. Despite Bill Pullman and Oliver Platt.

7. "Alligator" (1980)
I guess it's hard to make fun of a movie I've never heard of. I'm, uh, sure that it's a classic.

6. "Anaconda" (1997)
Jennifer Lopez's screen test for Gigli.

5. "Tremors" (1990)
Giant, man eating worms feel vibrations in the ground, but can't move rocks. Some how, this end up on AMC a bit too often.

4. "The Lost World" (1925)
Not to be confused with the Jurassic Park sequel.

3. "King Kong" (1933/2005)
Fuck you and the skyscraper you rode in on.

2. "The Creature From the Black Lagoon" (1954)
Part Aquaman, part Swamp Thing, all...um...Creature?

1. "Godzilla" (1954)
Well, of course he's number 1! I would have scrapped this in protest if he hadn't been. (Unless Khing Ghidorah had been #1...or Rodan).

Speaking of which, how come they aren't on the list? Why isn't Jurassic Park? Come on! King Kong makes the list for it's T-Rex, but Jurassic Park doesn't! What a load of shit.