Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Shark Week: Giant extinct fish edition

What is it about bad movies that makes people love them? What magic does it have? What fairy dust does it fart to fill our homes with it's stench and make us love them for it?

These are the questions that have plagued mankind for millenia! Cavemen, when they went to look at the cave paintings...why did they enjoy the ones that barely looked like buffalo? But they did like them! They might not have been the caveman's favorite, but they smiled and told their friends about how bad it was but how much they enjoyed it anyways.

So, what made Shark Attack 3 so awesome?

Was it the corporate villain, Apex? Run by a man who asks:

"And who would believe you? A disgruntled employee with stolen, confidential documents? My lawyers would have a field day with you! They are the REAL sharks!"
(It's funny, those are the types of people news crews do tend to believe.)

Maybe it was our hero, Ben Carpenter and his ability to say possibly the most...inexplicable and out of place line ever.

Or our heroine...who goes for it.

Maybe it's that the scale of the shark changes. His mouth is always just the right size for what he's eating. Either that or resort owners and patrol boats are exactly the same size.

Yes, Al. I'm sure that's part of it too.

What makes this movie so great? I don't know. It's just such a fun movie. It's bad. Awful even. But, like so many before it, just a blast to watch. Seriously, if the Sci Fi Channel made movies this good, it's all anyone would watch.

I know that there's no way I can do a review of this movie justice. Seriously. The best possible review of this movie has already been written. And it was that review alone that made me want to see this movie. As you can tell, I loved the movie, terrible in just the right way, 9 hotel owners stealing life vests without saying a word out of 10.