Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Caveat Emptor

We haven't talked about copyright issues in a while, have we? I can't recall anything lately, though I do remember bringing it up a few times last year. So, why haven't I said anything lately? I mean, do I suddenly just not care about the issue? No. I'm just so annoyed with the whole idea that I haven't been really worked up enough to comment on what's going on.

Don't get me wrong, I think that if you put out the money to make a movie, you oughta be able to earn that money back, and even make a profit. I don't, however, think that you should sue your own customers. And I certainly don't think you should sue anyone over a 20 second cell phone recording.

I'm forced to wonder though, for all the lawsuits that the MPAA/RIAA is throwing around, should I get in on the action? I think that I've suffered permanent emotional distress after viewing Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes. I can't watch the Chuck Heston (and 7dp favorite) original without feeling the taint of Burton's update. Shouldn't someone compensate me for that?

Or, what about the personal turmoil after sitting through the absolutely awful Borat. I want to go for punitive damages on that one. And don't even get me started on the distress and mental scarring suffered upon my by Kurt Wimmer with UltraViolet.

While I'm at it, I think Showtime owes me for the lunch I almost lost watching Imprint.

Just in those few examples, off the top of my head, countless hours of heartache and depression caused DIRECTLY by poor movie making, greenlit by studios who can only figure out half of what 'intellectual property' means. I mean, money can't make up for that. You can't put a price on that kind of anguish.

But, I'll try. Let's see, 3 movies and a lunch...lets say, $50. Add punitive damages on top of that and we'll call it an even 3 million (Hey, I really suffered!).

So, MPAA, I'll be waiting here for my check, though I'm willing to negotiate. I'll call the whole thing even for a gift card for the Olive Garden and a four pack of Orangina.