Thursday, May 10, 2007

Really. Wasps, bees, bugs in general. Scare the shit out of me dude.

The other day, I was reading one of my favorite blogs, as I often do. The writer, Stacie, was reviewing a movie from one of those multipacks of movies. You know, the ones that have like 50 movies on 3 discs for like a buck and a half? Yeah. Well, a couple months ago I picked up one of those and had yet to watch any of them. So, since anything I can do, she can do better (isn't that how the saying goes? I forget.), I decided to finally bite the bullet and watch one of these movies myself.

Three times I tried to watch it. Now, before you get the wrong impression, you have to look at how I watch movies. I usually put something on late, shortly before bed. And, as luck would have it, I did that the other night. So, I fell asleep. I had to get up in the morning to go to that thing. That place. Oh, shit, what's it called? You know that thing...during the day? Where people go? Um...they give me money...I can't remember right now, but it was why I couldn't stay up to finish watching it.

The next morning, I woke up early and thought to myself, "Self, you're showered and ready for work, but you don't have to leave for an hour! Finish your movie!" to which I replied, "Self, that's fucking brilliant." Ten minutes later I got a phone call, a friend had a flat tire and needed help. "So much for the movie, Self."

After I got home from that place, where I do that thing, I was finally able to sit down and watch the rest of the movie. Now, you'd think that after all that, I'd be pretty disappointed, right? I mean, if it was awesome, I'd have stayed up to watch it? Well...we're getting to that.

Wasp Woman is the story of cosmetics baron and former spokesmodel Janice Starlin. She's getting older and can't be the face of her business anymore. As a result, people aren't buying her stuff. Business it bleak, so to speak. Cue Dr. Zinthrop. Zinthrop has found a miracle restorative in the enzymes contained within wasp jelly from the queen wasp. It makes you anti-age. Or something. Whatever it does, it's a miracle of modern science and Janice is interested.

Zinthrop moves into Janice's lab and starts doing more experiments, including the human variety. And what do you know, it works! Wow! Holy Shit! Janice, however, is unsatisfied. If it works in small doses, why not up the dosage and make it work even better? She takes matters into her own hands one night and injects herself with more of the enzymes.

However, there are side effects. You see, wasps are mean little fuckers and it starts having an effect of the test subjects. Zinthrop has to wrestle a poor defenseless cat while hissing sounds play in the background. And, when he goes to warn Janice, he gets into a car accident.

Janice however, starts turning into a wasp and attacking people! And Zinthrop, poor bastard, has amnesia, so he's no help. It's up to Janice's two employees to stop her without knowing that they need to stop her from something!

Hell, what can I say man, I loved it. The wasp mask? Awful, but so great. The acting was really good, to be honest. And the story was actually pretty neat. I loved it. Seriously. 7 1/2 third times the charms out of 10.

Oh! I almost forgot, I hunted down the trailer for you. It's pretty sweet stuff. I don't know why, but I love trailers for old movies.