Friday, August 07, 2009

Shark Week Day 5: The Return of Lorenzo Lamas

Some movies slip under the radar. They go unnoticed at first. Then, you see it and wonder why. It was such an endearing and enjoyable movie you wonder how no one payed much attention to it. It's a travesty. On the other hand, there comes a movie like Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus. Under the radar? Hardly. I've mentioned it here at least once. I thought it was more than that. I guess not.

By now, if you're on the internet (and you being here tells me you might be) and you're a fan of monster or low budget movies, you've probably heard about this recent opus from The Asylum. This time, they didn't really just try to make a rip off of some new release. No. This time they went ahead and just made a nice little creature feature. The premise is's a movie about a big shark and a big octopus...and the fight. Everything else is superfluous.

The basic gist of it is that due to some...unspecified...experiment (or something) a helicopter doing a sonar test unleashes a big fucking shark and a big fucking octopus from the glacier that they'd managed to get trapped in millions of years ago. They go their separate ways, spreading terror and destruction every where they go, destroying oil rigs, military vessels and at least one 747. Yes, a 747. Ripped from the skies as though it were a big 'fuck you' at Jaws 2 and the destruction of a measly little helicopter.

In the face of such eminent danger, who would you call? If you said 'Former teen pop star/Playboy pictorial star, Debbie Gibson' you win the grand prize of searching Google Images for 'Debbie Gibson Playboy' with safe search turned off. Congratulations.

So Deb gets a chemistry set, mixes up some 'science' with her friends and figures out a way to kill the creatures. Basically, get them together and get out of the way. Thank god for chemistry sets.

The best I can tell you is to just sit back and enjoy the movie. Don't spend your time looking for flaws (you won't have to work hard for that). If you can just sort of sit back and relax and try to just enjoy the sheer ridiculousness of it all, you might just enjoy the movie as much as I did. It's silly, the science makes no sense at all, but it's all kind of fun.