Friday, September 29, 2006

You tell me.

I know that I've kind of been piling on Dead or Alive, which is admittedly, a little unfair. The movies not out, and I haven't seen anything beyond a few still and a trailer (a very bad trailer).

From the website:

"The story, a cross between Charlie's Angels and Enter The Dragon, revolves around four beautiful women who begin as rivals in a secret invitational-only martial arts contest, but find themselves teaming up with one another against a sinister force. Joining Tina, Christie, Kasumi and Helena at the lush jungle location are Zack, Bayman, and Leon.

Others come to the island for their own ulterior motives. Bass, a world-champion wrestler, arrives to convince his daughter Tina not to put her life in danger. Then there's Christie's former partner-in-crime Max, who masquerades as a Brazilian kick-boxer but has his eye is on an even bigger prize than the $10 million purse.

On the other hand, Princess Kasumi is surrounded by her own entourage of characters: her bodyguard and friend Hayabusa, her half-sister and would-be assassin Ayane, and her brother Hayate, who disappeared during the previous Dead or Alive tournament.

Who will win the Dead or Alive tournament? Will Princess Kasumi survive long enough to find out whether her brother Hayate is still alive? How will Helena's learning the truth of the unseemly death of her father, the founder of the Dead or Alive tournament, affect her loyalties? Can the former allies-turned-sworn- enemies Christie and Max reunite to pull off the biggest heist of their careers? And exactly what does Donovan have up his sleeves?

Intrigue and mystery, beauty and brawn, exotic scenery and extraordinary sets - this plus awesome state-of-the-art martial arts and wire fighting - all await in Dead Or Alive !"

And, now some pictures...

I guess they're fighting on a boat. Jamie Pressley's boobs look weird though...actually, everything about her looks weird in this picture.

A pillowfight gone wrong? Or are they fighting with poultry?

Well, shit, I'm glad they included the Extreme Beach Volleyball part of the video game series.

Look, all I'm saying is that the only thing that could make this less appealing is if it was directed by Uwe Boll.

How bad is this movie going to be?
It's going to be bad.
It's going to make Snakes on a Plane look good.
I't going to be so bad it makes Showgirls look like like an ocsar nominee
It's going to be so bad you'll wish you were watching a Gigli/Glitter double feature
It's go to be so bad that it makes it becomes the shortest ever entry in Quick Reviews of Bad Movies