back to normal...I guess...whatever normal is around here

For a movie with a silly plot, cheesy acting and horrible effects, Machine Girl was fucking tits, yo. That's right, I said it was tits.

The plot is a rather ridiculous revenge story with ninjas, yakuza and a spoiled rich kid. The spoiled brat throws Ami's brother, Yu, off of a building. While the police want to write it off as suicide, Ami believes that there was more to it. On her quest to find answers, she finds fights in some of the most unlikely places.

Really, the movie is cheesy as all hell. And there are a lot of times where you'll wonder about physics and then stop yourself. At least I did. It's fun as all hell though.

It's in the fighting that the movie really shines. It's all very over the top, but a lot of fun. It's kind of goofy, and very bloody. Just enough to be really entertaining.


The poor story does weigh it down a bit. And while you can tell that it's intentionally poor, it's still annoying. It really is a bit of cheesy fun to watch once or twice. I can't imagine there being too much reason to re-watch it. On top of that, there just aren't enough features on the disc to really warrant buying it. But it's definately one to grab on Netflix. Machine Girl gets 6 hugs with a drill bra out of 10.

Ryan Reynolds is the greatest actor alive.

It's a popular question. A question tossed around during happy hours across the country. Who is America's greatest living actor? De Niro? Amateur. Pacino? Ham. Shatner? Genius, but not enough of one.

No, our greatest living actor can only be Ryan Rodney Reynolds. I hear you out there asking "How can he be America's greatest living actor if he was born in Canada?"

Shut up, no one asked you.

Reynolds, of course, came to prominence as the stand out performer of the hit ABC series Two Guys, A Girl, And a Pizza Place (later renamed to Two Guys and a Girl when it was discovered that no pizza place could contain Ryan Reynolds). TGAGAAPP also introduced the world to that Harrison Ford wannabe, Nathan Fillian, which just goes to show that with anything good, there is also some bad.



Reynolds then went on to his breakout role as Van Wilder in Van Wilder, an instant classic destined to weather the years in much the same way that Caddyshack has. Ironically, van Wilder also starred the amazingly talented, and always lady-like, Tara Reid. The chemistry between the two recalled some of the great Bogart-Bacall movies and some of the great Hope-Crosby films. Truly the two were perfect for the roles (and, really, should be considered as a pair for any movie).

If these first couple of roles left any doubt over the genius of Ryan Reynolds, his performances in Blade: Trinity and The Amityville Horror shattered them.

Truly, it is only a matter of time until the Academy recognizes Ryan Reynolds. In fact, I can already see him as Best Supporting Actor nominee in 2010 for his role in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. And let me tell you, it will be long overdue.

I <3 Remakes

Seriously. I'm starting to come around. I'm starting to think that EVERY movie should be a remake. Come on guys, they're just movies. It's not like someone is coming in and retaking your family vacation pictures with fancy new digital cameras and hot young actors. No one is trying to take you and your mom out of those old Christmas photos and replace you guys with Angelina Jolie and the kid from Harry Potter. Even if they should! I mean, I've seen your old Christmas photos, not pretty dude.

Like I said, they're just movies. Who cares? Maybe when it was made originally, those were just the best available choices. Maybe now is the right time for a remake of The Godfather directed by Paul WS Anderson and starring Jack Black. Why not give it a shot and see how it works?

Hell, I know that all you movie nerds think De Niro is 'teh bestez evarz' but I don't see why Ryan Reynolds couldn't be an even better Travis Bickle*.

Hell, aren't you ready for a Jaws remake?

But those are movies from the 70's! Why wait so long? Think about what Jurassic Park did with technology from 93, just imagine how amazing an updated version could be. I mean, hell, it was 15 years ago when it came out! Who remembers anything from that long ago?

Why not an all CGI Dark Crystal? Think about how amazing that would be! I mean, come on, it's puppets! And that Henson was a no talent hack anyways.

Or, hell, everyone loved The 40 Year Old Virgin, let's remake that. I know it's only a couple years old, but...fuck it! It was hilarious! Why not make a new version of it EVERY YEAR? It would be a guaranteed money maker!

What about you guys? What's your dream remake? Let's hear them in the comments!


*All I'm saying is that Ryan Reynolds might be the greatest actor of our generation. Seriously.

Ryan Reynolds Movie Poster Monday

This weeks Ryan Reynolds movie poster is for his recent romantic comedy Definitely, Maybe. Which is being released on DVD tomorrow, June 24th.

Now, of course, this poster is destined to be remembered years from now as a classic and a collector's item. I mean, there's Ryan (the greatest actor of our generation), front and center with a child on his shoulders and three ladies staring lustfully at him. Really, all of his movies should use this same layout.

That's crap

I liked the original Korean movie, and I liked High Tension, and hell, I even like old Keifer...but nothing about this poster makes me want to see Mirrors.

And, I DO want to see the movie. I just think the poster is awful. It's just bland and gives you know idea what the movie is about. Hell, from the poster I would just assume it's some awful remake of some Japanese movie like The Grudge. Why not show a little creativity?

I don't really have much to say that hasn't already been said...

but it just so happens that his was a star I was excited to see when I was out in Hollywood.

Monster Movie Poster Monday

I just realized that I'm now up to 400 posts. And it only took 2 and a half year! I don't know if I should be excited or depressed. Lets go with excited, that always feels better!

This King Kong poster is the last of the ones I picked up at the comic con all those weeks ago.

In non-movie related news

Over this past weekend, here in Detroit, Detour put on a big 3 day 4 venue show called Rock City Fest. I spent my entire weekend there watching bands and drinking cheap beer. All and all, it was a good time.

Highlights, for me, included finally seeing Champions of Breakfast, getting a hug from Matt & Kim, all the beach balls at Child Bite, and finding out that not only did I go to high school with the drummer from Copper Thieves but also finding out that they were fucking amazing. I got to hang out with some friends that I didn't expect to see and meet a couple of cool people. Without a doubt, it was $30 well spent.



Want to see more cool pictures from Rock City Fest? Want to read more about the Detroit music scene? Check out this blog then. It's fucking sweet.

The real hero of LotR

I don't spend all my time just thinking about Star Wars. No. Often times, I play Scrabulous on Facebook. And, other times, I think about the Lord of the Rings movies.

In fact, that's what I found myself thinking about last night. Granted, it might have been because I put Return of the King into the DVD player.

So, I'm watching Return of the King and thinking to myself "Wow, Frodo wouldn't have accomplished a god damn thing without the help of Sam." Sam is the real hero here. I mean, sure, it's Frodo who destroys the ring, but Frodo does that because he has to, not because he wants to. If it were up to Frodo, he would have kept the ring for himself. It's only the attack by Gollum that forces Frodo to destroy the ring.

Sam though, carries Frodo to Mt Doom. Sometimes figuratively, sometimes quite literally. Sam is incorruptible. Sam is faithful. Sam makes a promise and keeps it. Sam fulfills his mission despite the odds and despite the challenges. And, in the end...Sam gets the girl.

By Hollywood standards, isn't that the definition of a hero? And yet, he's relegated to mere sidekick status. He is Frodo's friend and gardener. He is just an average hobbit who never really cared about leaving the Shire.

It's Sam who really learns what he is capable of through the adventure, and it's Sam who truly saves the day. As Frodo succumbs to the Ring, he begins to sympathize with Gollum. But not Sam. Sam never trusts him. And even when Frodo sends Sam away, Sam doesn't give up. If not for Sam, Frodo would have been eaten by the giant spider (whose name escapes me at the moment and I'm too lazy to look up).

Through everything, Sam is there. Never turning his back on Frodo, never worried about his own self interests. He is willing to sacrifice everything in order to ensure that Frodo succeeds. He knows that it's Frodo who will be remembered, not Sam.

But, even Frodo (in a breif moment of calm and clarity) admits that Sam's role is vital:

Sam: I wonder if we’ll ever be put into songs or tales.

Frodo: What?

Sam: I wonder if people will ever say, "Let’s hear about Frodo and the Ring," and they’ll say, "Yes, that’s one of my favorite stories. Frodo was really courageous, wasn’t he, Dad?" "Yes, my boy, the most famousest of hobbits. And that’s saying a lot."

Frodo: You left out one of the chief characters: Samwise the Brave. I want to hear more about Sam. Frodo wouldn’t have got far without Sam.

Sam: Now Mr. Frodo, you shouldn’t make fun. I was being serious.

Frodo: So was I.

Samwise the Brave. Friend of Elves, Killer of Shelob*, Hero of Middle Earth.

*Yes, I went and looked it up.

Standing in the footprints of Hollywood

Okay, this is the last picture post about my trip to Hollywood. Next time, I'm totally going to post about something else. Today though, I want to wrap it up with some of the foot/hand prints from outside Grauman's Chinese Theatre.

Like the Walk of Fame, there are a few goofy ones (Donald Duck? Really?). It's still really cool though to stand in the forecourt looking at all the names.

Humphrey Bogart

Abbott and Costello

Star Wars

Chuck Heston

Sean Connery

All in all, Hollywood was kind of a neat place, and I'm glad I got to go see it. A big thank you to my friend (and frequent commenter) Kate for driving me out there and loaning me her camera after mine broke.

On the walk of fame

Ok, sure, getting a star on the Walk of Fame is about as difficult as getting a Slurpee at 7-11 (granted a really EXPENSIVE Slurpee...but still). All you need is to be nominated, agree to attend a ceremony and fork over $25,000.

I have to admit though, there is still something kind of cool about it. I didn't think I would be all that excited about it. But, I got down there and, well, I really kind of was. It's fun walking down Hollywood Blvd looking at the stars, seeing many that you're a fan of. Seeing the old names and the new. Sure, Britney Spears has a star. Puff Daddy has a star. Mickey Mouse has a star. Yeah, it's a little weird. The old Hollywood names though...those are kind of fun to see.

Boris Karloff
Ray Bradbury
Buster Keaton
Myrna Loy
Dick Powell
Ray Harryhausen

And, if nothing else...when you write a movie blog and haven't seen any movies lately, a trip to Hollywood is at least something to write about.

Monster Movie Poster Monday

Ok. Actually...no poster today. I just got back from LA at about 8am, I'm tired and annoyed with...well...everything. But, I had a ton of fun in LA and even got to see the coolest star on the walk of fame. I was pretty excited about it. I mean, who would have thought that Godzilla had a star!

I'll make it quick since EVERYONE has already talked bout this one AT LENGTH and I really have nothing to add to the discussion

Ok. Fine. I finally broke down and watched it after everyone had been taliking about it since last fucking year.

I finally watched Juno.

It was really fucking good. You were right, internet. For once. Don't let it go to your head.

Monster Movie Poster Monday

Almost getting to the end of the stuff I bought at the comic con.


Not quite as cool as the sketch, but still pretty awesome.