A storm o'hell's coming down on this place any second

There are so few movies that I get to watch with as much awe as Feast. I mean, the movie starts with little title placards of each of the characters. Rather than names, everyone is a stereotype. There's Bozo, Honey Pie, Grandma, Beer Guy, Hot Wheels, Bartender, Jason Mewes, Hero, etc.

Along with their "name" everyone also has a job listed, maybe a fun fact and a life expectancy. For example, Hot Wheels' life expectancy is listed as "They wouldn't kill a cripple, would they?"

It was at this point that I fell in love with the movie.

So, in busts Hero.


Hero lasts for about 2 minutes before he's ripped out the window and killed by whatever is out there. This is all of about 10 minutes into the movie. 5 minutes later we have multiple corpses, no hero, Mewes without a face and a monster humping a deer head. And now it's time for Hero's wife, Heroine, to step up.


And now...we're on our way. The flick just moves at a frantic pace. It's just bam, bam, bam, like that kid from the Flintstones whose name I can't remember. Before you know it, you're watching monster fucking, a dude covered in monster puke, Bartender's earring ripped from his ear to pick a lock, Bozo almost redeem himself, Coach going all Rollins the Impaler with a baby monster on a pike, a monster die for a blowjob from Harley Mom, Rollins mysteriously disappear, Honey Pie bails on everyone. The movie just moves.


To be honest, aside from the monster fucking, there's probably not a ton here that you haven't seen before. That's kind of why it works though. Feast takes some of the old horror cliches and just plays with them. They tell you how likely a character is to survive, but still leave you unsure about those assessments by killing Hero!

No one has a real back story. The monsters are never explained. This works to the benefit of the movie. You don't know why all these people, including Mewes and a motivational speaker, are in this dive in the middle of nowhere. It's also never explained why these monsters are out there or where they came from. And I loved that. When you start to explain everything, it becomes less scary. The night is terrifying until you know that the daylight isn't far behind it. The monster you know will never be as frightening as the one you don't.

I loved this movie. I had no idea what to expect, but was more than just pleasantly surprised. I'm not sure that I can recommend this movie enough. It's hilarious, it well acted, it moves at a great pace, and there are bits that are genuinely scary! 9 baby monsters locked inside an ice chest that you shoot and kill only to put it on a spike and give it to it's parents who eat it, fuck and make two more out of 10.

7 Dollar Popcorn Presents the 7 Dollar Popcorn FILMuary Spectacular: 28 Days of Movie Mayhem Day 27: Clerks 2

Live on tape delay while I go to Chicago for the day it's 7 Dollar Popcorn Presents the 7 Dollar Popcorn FILMuary Spectacular: 28 Days of Movie Mayhem.

I've been a fan of Kevin Smith since Mallrats. I love his movies. I even have both of the Evening With Kevin Smith DVDs. Ok, I haven't been able to bring myself to watch Jersey Girl. I just can't do it. Sorry.

I picked up Clerks II a couple months ago in a buy 2 get 1 free type sale.

It starts in black and white. Dante is opening the metal shutters on the quick stop only to find that someone lit some cgi fire and put him out of a job. Randall, oblivious, walks into the store to be shoved out by a firefighter. The Quick Stop is thus destroyed and they get jobs at the local Mooby burger joint. It's Dante's last day. He's found love and is moving to Florida.

Naturally Jay and Silent Bob have followed Dante and Randall to the new place. They're found god. Meeting God didn't do it. Going to rehab did. Rehab.

Smith has found a way to not just put his wife in yet another movie, but show off her boobs as Dante's fiance, Emma. She wears a "Mrs. Hicks" t-shirt. And Smith's best friend Ben Affleck makes a quick cameo.

Elias is one of the other workers. He's a fan of the Transformers. So, Smith has finally managed to expand from plain old comics and Star Wars geekery. Now he's moved on to 80s cartoons and Lord of the Rings.

Rounding out the Mooby crew is Becky. The manager. She...well, kind of fits in. And Dante apparently does her nails. And they have heart to hearts about love and marriage and whatever. They have fucked in the kitchen at least once.

Jason Lee puts in an appearance as the guy who points out that Dante and Randall have gone nowhere in life. Which gets Randall's panties in a bunch.

Sometimes it's comforting to see that things haven't changed. And, nothing is different. Dante is indecisive. He's dating one girl and in love with another. Meanwhile Randall is useless and crude. Constantly trying to keep everyone at his low level. Jay and Bob are drug dealers. And no one has any real plan or aspiration to improve their lot in life.

There are a lot of thematic similarities as well. Dante and Randall blowing off work to do something. In this case it's go karting instead of a funeral. Dante on the roof. Though instead of hockey it's to learn to dance with Becky. (I could watch Rosario Dawson dance for an hour and a half and be okay). Dante blames the world for his problems and Randall points out the Dante needs to take responsibility for himself.

There is a story here. And it's different than Clerks but it's the same too. It's like that. It comes full circle and ends like it all began.

Despite the donkey shows, Jason Mewes going all crying game in the parking lot, ass to mouth conversations and the like, the movie has a certain sweetness to it. Everything falls into place even though nothing really changes. It's not the same as Dogma or Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, but it is definitely enjoyable. 7 and a half flies on a burger and a cup of urinal ice out of ten.

I'm Not Even Supposed to be Here Today

So, over on the Clerks 2 website there's a teaser trailer up for the movie due out in AUGUST. It's about 2 minutes long and from what I can see, it looks like the Quick Stop is closing, forcing Dante and Randall to work at a Mooby fast food joint. Jason Lee and Ben Affleck both appear in the trailer and Smith seems to have viewed this as another chance to put his wife in a movie. Rosario Dawson also will be joining them in this movie to which I say...cool.

From Smith:

Some folks have asked why I’m even bothering to put any footage of the flick out there, eight months before it’ll hit theaters. The only reason I can sight is that I’m proud of the flick; I fucking love it, and I can’t wait to share it with the world. Just as “Clerks” was a film about what I felt it was like to be in my twenties, “Clerks II” is a film about how I feel it’s like to be in my thirties, and for the audience which has made that trans-generational journey along with us over the last decade, I think it’s gonna really connect in a big way.

The site is basically a video journal of the progress of the film. What I want to know is why did Tarantino stop by? Someone, please tell me, because I won't watch the clip myslef to find out.

I can already see QT now trying to figure out how to make it look like it's his movie.