Top 5: Cliches from Outer Space

Weeks of traveling from one end of the country to another, and what do I get when I get home? A weekend without power. Seriously. I got home around 6 on Friday, and the power went out at 6:30. As of right now on Monday morning, it's STILL not back on. Talk about suck dude. So, what can one do at home without any power these days? I mean, there's always the portable DVD player, but thats only good for a movie or two before the battery dies. I guess I could read but, I mean, really...

Or, I could come up with a list of some of my favorite science fiction movie cliches! (In no particular order)



All Knowing Central Computer

HAL, Mother, Icarus, just 'Computer' (boy the Gene Rodenberry was a genius), there's always something. Some computer who knows everything that's going on and may or may not be conspiring against you in order to complete the mission. Keep in mind, you may not be aware of it's TRUE mission. Just because you're there to tow some ore back to Earth doesn't mean that it's not trying to return an alien specimen.



Faster than light travel

Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity claims that you can't travel faster than the speed of light. So, how does one get from one place to another without violating this principle? This is a personal favorite. This is where we get to play with all sorts of theoretical physics, whether it's a matter/anti-matter engine, subspace, wormholes, infinite improbability engines, whatever, there's always SOME way to get around this one.



Trusted non-human

Chewie, R2-D2, Spock, Data, Worf. He's never in charge, but he's always there to help. As a human, it's up to you to save the galaxy, not one of these, clearly, inferior beings. However, proving that aliens aren't totally useless, you've got a sidekick to bail you out when the going gets tough. Good thing, too. You'd think that if humans were so good at everything and able to rise through the ranks to captain all the good starships and be in charge at all the best bases...you'd think they'd need a little less bailing out.



Not to be trusted non-human

Be careful though, not all non-humans are as altruistic as others. Some of them are out to kill or capture you, or just subvert your mission. Think Ash from Alien or Roy Batty from Blade Runner. Just because they're designed to help you, doesn't mean that they will.



Everyone speaks English

Awfully fucking convenient, isn't it. Everywhere you go, everyone is able to understand each other. For fuck's sake, everyone doesn't even speak English on THIS planet, why would they speak it across the galaxy? It seems to lend the ultimate air of implausibility to the story. I understand that it's a movie and the viewer speaks English, but it's impossible (or at least very VERY unlikely) that someone would travel to another planet and be able to understand whatever sentient beings are living there. Naturally, some attempts have been made to explain this phenomena, Star Trek's universal translator, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy had the babel fish, and Star Wars just referred to it as Galactic Basic instead of English.

Top 5 Movie Apartment Special Edition

So, I spent my day today moving into my first apartment. Got the keys this morning. Moved boxes of stuff all day. There's no furniture yet...but it's a start. It'll be a process I suppose. It's exciting stuff though, so go me.

All things considered, I thought I'd do something special today. My Top 5 Movie Apartment Special Edition. That's a pretty fancy title, I know. Especially since my list is so lame. That's why you keep coming back though, the lameness mixed in with MORE lameness.

First, in our Honorable mentions category, is Denethor's throne room from Return of the King. As a Steward, he's not really king, so in a way, doesn't that make all of Gondor a rental?

With that out of the way, lets get into it. Coming in at #5...

Edward Norton's apartment in Fight Club. Like a page out of an Ikea catalog, our humble narrator led the ultimate single serving life until "a volcanic blast of debris that used to be your furniture and personal effects blows out of your floor-to-ceiling windows and sails flaming into the night. I suppose these things happen." Shortly afterwards, he became a champion for squatter's right and the original proprieter of Bum Fights.


Number four on our list takes us to the other side of the Pacific Ocean...

The lovely 2 bedroom apartment of 2LDK. This spacious apartment is home to roommates Lana and Nozomi. 2 young women with almost nothing in common brought together by the prospect of cheap rent. Shot in sequence over 8 days, it's the story of the ultimate division of space as the two begin to attack belongings and each other with food and swords. A darkly funny improvement on the old painting the room in half gag.



From Japan to a galaxy far far away, let's visit the home of 1 Padme Amidala...


Padme's apartment is a beautiful, and rather large, apartment with an amazing view of the lights of Coruscant. It's the kind of apartment that only a government official could afford after a few kickbacks for putting a Supreme Chancellor out on his ass. With it's retro futuristic design you can't help but wonder where they hide the tv. The apartment's best feature though? Jedi defence system included in the rent.

Let's come back home though and look at an apartment that isn't really from a movie. Though everyone in it appeared in Shaun of the Dead, number 2 is the London flat from TV's Spaced...

Filled with comic book and movie memorabilia, this is a geek's paradise. With a pleasant but unhinged artist downstairs and an alchoholic single mother upstairs, two people pretend to be a couple to get a good price on a little apartment. Tim and Daisy are visited constantly by not only their neigrbors but their friends Twist and Mike. Not to mention the occasional bike messenger dancing along to any rythmic noise. And like any good English home, good times can be had simply by walking to the closest pub.

We're down to the last one, aren't we? This is the end, my only friend, the end. Well, not quite, almost. Are you ready? No? Well, take your time...I'm not going anywhere...

Okay, you good? Good. The #1 movie apartment according to our panel of judges (me) is...

Rob Gordon's apartment from High Fidelity. This amazingly large apartment near downtown Chicago proves one thing, Rob is blackmailing the landlord. There's just no way he could afford this large 2 bedroom apartment on his salary from a barely staying open record store. That aside, it has everything, tons of records and concert posters and some presumably great stereo equipment. And shockingly, you never seen a television. This is the life. Rob somehow manages to live out all his dreams despite being broke. What more could you want from an apartment.

That's all I've got for now! Tune in next time for the Top 5 Movie Toilets!